Author Mummy: How do you balance Home, Family and Author Life?

This post comes from a regularly occurring post in one of the forums I am on and after writing a reply, I realised how much I had to say on this - because after 10 years of authoring, I've had to either adapt or self-destruct. 

When I started writing I had a very demanding full time job, a new baby and a home to run because my husband commutes and was also doing the last stages of night school. It was tough. I can't remember how I did it, but somehow I did, and I wrote and published at least 5 novels over a 6 year period. 

Three years ago, I quit the day job to concentrate on the writing and to be more present for our children. I foolishly thought this would mean that I would, being a full time writer, be on my fiftieth novel by now. Oh, how I laugh!

Part of the reason was because despite being at home all day whilst the children were at school, somehow the house becoming a ridiculously demanding mistress, and because I was home there was an expectation (90% self imposed) that the house had to be perfect and that like a good 1950's housewife, everybody nurtured cared and catered for. 

Well suddenly between being begged by the kids to come and help at school, laundry, cooking, shopping, caring for my mum, organising tradesmen etc etc etc, time disappeared. Poof! Gone! 

I tried scheduling. It didn't work. It stressed me out. 

I tried communicating with my family. They tried. It didn't work. It stressed me out.

I tried running away to coffee shops. It sort of worked. It cost a lot. I wasted money. 

SO, I needed to take direct action. 

I wasn't prepared to compromise my home and family ideals. I wasn't prepared to make my family compromise for my writing by hiding away in an office, by making them eat off paper plates, by leaving them to fend for themselves. 

This is what I did, and it works - mostly. Family life is mercurial and chaotic by its very nature. Kids get sick, the dishwasher breaks, building work needs to be done, your pre-teen has a melt down every 5 minutes, family visit... but honestly, this has worked for us and we are happier, healthier, more connected, more content. 

A lot of the tensions have gone.

It's taken a good 4-6 month period establish the following, and that has been frustrating in itself but I had to remember I was playing a long game not a short fix that fades in a week or two, like schedules and conversations.

I had to change the behaviour patterns of my family and myself. Here's what I and WE did. 

1) MAJOR HOUSE DECLUTTER. 

This has been the gruelling bit, but stuff equals clutter, equals disorganisation, equals more hours of cleaning and tidying. We started at the top with our eldest's bedroom and worked down. 

We labelled the childrens' clothes draws and invested in storage boxes. We got rid of lots of stuff and rearranged the furniture for streamline hoovering and dusting - also making it easier for her to take more responsibility. 

The idea was that by eliminating unnecessary stuff, firstly it looked tidier and cleaner already without doing anything and secondly, it meant that everything had space to have a place and that meant if it had a place, it could be tidied by anyone and quickly. 

2) MAJOR WARDROBE DECLUTTER &  LAUNDRY STREAMLINE.

I reduced everyone (still a process in motion) to capsule wardrobes. How many t-shirts, jumpers and jeans do they actually need? How many 'smart' outfits. This saved money and washing time. The eldest has her own laundry basket and a weekend chore to bring it down. 

With her drawers labelled this enabled her to put away her own clothes without anxiety

3) BATCH COOK

Careful planning and doubling up means you can batch cook on a Sunday afternoon for a good part of the week. By doubling the quantities and freezing down you save huge amounts of time and mental energy. Good dishes for this are lasagna, casseroles, fish pies, stews, pies, chilli con carne, spaghetti Bolognese, curries etc. 

4) ONLINE FOOD SHOP

This ties to the previous point. Menu planning and shopping lists enable really efficient online food shops which are not only much more efficient but they're a really good way of controlling your budget and your health. 

5) SCHOOL / WORK STATION

By the front door, hang hooks and place a basket. You may be lucky enough for a cloakroom. Each person has a hook to hang their coat, scarf, hat, and school tie! A basket for work and school shoes. They have a further peg for their work / school bag and kit bags, and music art bags etc (packed on the Sunday ready for the week) Water bottles filled the night before and in the fridge. 

6) MONEY TALKS CHORE CHARTS

Our kids are very reluctant chore doers. However, the sight of money is motivating. I've made them chore charts with clear plastic wallets underneath that physically contain the money. When they've done the chore they get to put the money into the moneybox on the shelf next to the chart. Rosie is 10. Her chores are Recycling 1 Sunday (50p) Recycling 2 Wednesday (50p) Room tidy on Wednesday (£1) Make mum and dad a cup of tea in bed at weekend (50p each morning) and bring her washing down, sort into white and dark piles. Place in machine (£1) 

Betty is 5. She has make her bed every morning (10p a day) Hang her coat, shoes, bags etc on hook every day (10p a day)

These really help with teaching them responsibility. 

7) THE 10 MIN PRE-BED BLITZ 

Ten minutes - and we put it on the clock timer like big kids and that's how we approach it. A race against the clock. In that 10 minutes we straighten the front room, load the dishwasher, take dry laundry upstairs, feed the cats and do a quick mess sweep. When the clock stops, so do we. 

This means we're already massively up on the day when we wake up. This means there is rarely more than 30 mins  of tidying and cleaning which done after the school run, means I'm totally clear from 9.30am-3.30pm 

I also need to be in a tidy space to work and it stops procrastination. Ready for the day and ready for work. 

8) SCHOOL BASED AFTERSCHOOL CLUBS

One night a week the girls stay at school until 4.30pm doing Creative Writing and Cookery. This makes a huge difference on a Wednesday. I know I have 7 hours of uninterrupted writing and business time. 

9) EARLY WEEKEND DOORS

I'm rubbish at getting up in the morning but on occasions, I have been known to sneak down at 5.30am and do a couple of hours quiet writing on a weekend before sneaking back up to bed for 8.30 before everyone else wakes and then having a little lie in after that. (Occasionally the youngest sneaks down too, but as she doesn't venture much further than the television on a Saturday morning, she's often not even known I'm up) 

So here are my very real and very doable tips for finding more time to write and to keep the home fires burning bright and warm. I'd be really interested to know what works for you other than the dreaded scheduling answer that I always seem bandied around.  

 

FEAR OF FLYING. What it taught me about my author journey.

The fear of flying is a common fear, but when you're the one with the fear, you can't imagine how anybody else can possibly feel as bad about it. You truly believe the world is spinning around you, there's no way out. The constricting chest, the heat, the sickness, the general feeling that everything is just not right. 

This was me three years ago. I hadn't been on a plane in over ten years because, well, if you pretend you don't need to fly then you don't have to face the fear, right? Yep, easier to stay home, keep safe, not look at those crazy metal birds flying up there in the clouds, pretend they don't even exist, because, well... who wants to jet off to far flung exotic, exciting places anyway? 

It's a bit like this with our creative ambitions. I've spent a lot of time listening to people over these last three years and I became to see some parallels with my fear of flying  and their fear of starting their creative journey, and in turn, mine. 

How did I tackle my fear of flying? I got on a plane - and then I got on a plane again, and again, and I keep getting on planes. Now, I'm not saying I'm completely cured, there are moments where I will get hit by a literal wave of panic. The slightest hint of turbulence can set about those old stress responses - but I have developed the skills to recognise that panic for what it is and to wrestle it back in the box because it's not useful, it's not beneficial, and it's pointless. 

I didn't get on the plane alone. I had a best friend help me, and they continue to help me, sitting by my side, just being there. That's why community is important. It's a known that facing a fear with somebody else makes that fear a lot less monstrous. 

My experience of overcoming my fear of flying is a direct parallel to the creative journey that I have been undertaking in the last three years, too. There's no coincidence that I began to tackle my fear of flying at the same time I began my new life. 

You get on the plane, again and again and
again until you get used to it. After 10 years
of no flying I've flown to Prague, Nashville x2
Copenhagen x2, Barcelona, Malta, Glasgow.
I'm flying to Nashville again in a couple of
weeks and New York in September. 

I threw in the day job to pursue my creative life, but rather than being faced with a landscape of rainbows and unicorns, the whole landscape was full of monsters and big knives, and bear pits, and a million other terrifying fear walls; was my work good enough? Were my stories acceptable? Was I good enough? What will people think? 

The first thing I had to do was learn to call myself an author, and silence those chattering voices that told me I was an imposter, a fraud, a hobby writer, deluded... and like the plane situation, I did that by doing it over and over again. When people asked me what I did for a living, I told them 'I'm an author' - even though it sounded ludicrous in my mind. 

I then had to navigate all the fears that come with putting yourself out there, of daring to not conform, of daring to sell my work, my talent, my skill. It was all dares. None of it came easily - and it still doesn't, even though it is 'easier' 

- just like getting on a plane is still a dare to myself. 

Facing fears head on is no easier for one person that it is another. It's about choice. You choose to be afraid, and because it's a choice, you can choose not to be afraid. It's easy to delegate our fears to natural human behaviour and instincts, an instinctive response to threat - and of course that's where they start; biology is a powerful force. All those chemicals whirling around, all those physical responses that feel out of our control, but they're not entirely out of control and you can negotiate with them. 

How to negotiate with your physical fear. 

• Close your eyes and breathe deeply. Force yourself to slow down. 
• Tap your leg or your hand in rhythm, silently count the rhythm, so it overrides your thoughts. 
• Envisage where you are going and think of the reasons you want to be there. 
• Imagine all the beautiful things you are going to see when you arrive at your destination. 
• Think of all the other people you know who are already up in the sky, flying happily away. 
• Slowly open your eyes and challenge yourself to do small things that will establish a routine and a pattern (in the case of flying, order a drink, open a book) convince yourself that this is your new normal.



Take charge of your situation. Self care. Make a
scary or unpleasant experience as nice as you can.
Convince yourself that it is a different reality to what
your fear is telling you. Role play out the character
you really want to be in the narrative. Make your
own reality. Choose how you want to view it.
This is me on the plane - pretending everything is
totally dandy. 

• Accept that you are not always going to be in control, but there are people who are qualified and skilled who are in charge and they are going to look after you.

Now apply these to your creative ambitions that you're not facing because of the fears. 

• Take time. Slow down. Make space for your project. 
• Develop patterns and routines for your creative project which normalise it and make it an embedded part of your daily life. 
• Envisage where you want to be in a year, two years, eventually and think about why you want to be there. Ensure that you do this often because these things change.
• Get to know people who are already out there doing what you want, who inspire, encourage and support you, who demonstrate in their daily life that this is a norm and it can be your norm. 
• Challenge yourself to do small things every day, constantly push against that comfort zone. Be conscious that that's what you're doing and be gentle with yourself but firm. 
• Accept that you're not going to be able to do all of it yourself, outsource, hire professionals and trust they are going to look after you. 

Before you know it, you'll be on your umpteenth flight and wondering why you ever wasted so much negative energy worrying, why you stopped it from travelling to all the wonderful and exciting places. 

In two weeks time, I am flying solo to Nashville from London. Three years ago, I would never have thought that possible. I could never envisage me doing that - and now I am, just like three years ago, I never would have thought it possible that my new creative life could fund and enable that trip, or that the reason I would be going is as an author up for an award. 

What is it you want to do? What is it that's stopping you? What are your greatest fears about starting your creative path?

Writers' Block. What is it? How do I cure it?

Writers' Block... we'll it's a funny old thing isn't it? For some it's a complete blank space of ideas every time they go to sit down and write something. For others, it's a million ideas but somehow, there just isn't any inclination or determination to sit down and write them.

I literally have a drawer full of theses and still haven't
been able to sit down and 'properly' write for months.

Personally, it's the second form of writers' block that I suffer from. I have a notebook crammed with novel outlines (about 9 fun novels plotted) and yet, in over a year, I have managed to actually complete just one short novella for a publisher.

Not bad going, you might say. It's better than some folks - in fact, probably better than most - but the problem for me is, I'm a full time writer. Yeah, it's my actual job, and when writing is meant to fill every 9-5 and bring in a salary, then it's quite a pressure - Imagine the freak out I should be having about writers' block.

And make no mistakes, I am not lazy. In fact, most folks laughingly joke that I'm one of the busiest, self-disciplined creatives they know - no, lie. But.... still the overwhelming feelings of self-adequacy and self-doubt, of imposter syndrome crowd down when I acknowledge that I'm suffering, for whatever reason, the dreaded writers' block syndrome.

Actually, that last sentence is utter rubbish, I don't feel any anxiety about it at all, and that's what my post today is about.

Sometimes, just gathering up your
notes and ideas and putting them away
for a few days, allowing yourself the
freedom to do something else, can
be  a quick trigger. 

Those feelings of frustration, inadequacy, self-doubt, imposter syndrome, anger, disappointment are all what we are taught to feel in traditional production society. We are taught from day one that the 'AMOUNT' of work is almost secondary to the QUALITY of the work, and goodness forbid anybody ever suggested in the traditional production / capitalist society that you actually got pleasure, fulfilment, soul-enriching experiences from what you were producing.

Increasingly, in the indie authoring scene, there is a production line ethos. If I get offered one more freaking course on 'How to Write For Market' or 'How to Increase Your Productivity' or 'Write a Gazillion Books to Make a 6 Figure Income' then I might just.... well, I don't know what but it would be something notable.

Now, let me make it clear right here and right now that if that works for you - if you are naturally incredibly prolific and, or you love the challenge of writing for market, then good for you. You are a rockstar and I love that you're happy and fulfilled. Seriously, I have some super good friends who are just amazing at sitting down and writing everyday and getting beautiful stories out into the world, every one of them bloody brilliant - This article is NOT about bashing folks for writing quickly or prolifically. There are people who can write quickly, copiously and it still be fabulous quality. No, this article is about NOT feeling bad if you're not doing that.

It's taken me some real reflection time on this matter. Those of you who follow this blog know that this topic rears its head a little every now and then. But finally, I feel I am in a happy place.

This years key focus word for me was TEND, which admittedly, a lot of folks in my sisterhood didn't quite get when I said it, but now, 6 months in, they do because they are seeing the results of it.

There's an old saying that sometimes, you have to go backwards to go forwards. That's me. I spent the last six months going backwards, and now, I'm ready to move forwards on the right path, in the right way - in a way that makes me... *gasp* HAPPY.

I have learned the most important thing for me as a writer / author is NOT FREAKING OUT when a week, a month, hell, even three months (*coughs and side-eyes* six months) have gone by and I haven't actually written anything.

Times like these are feeding your creativity.
Learn to embrace the times you think
you're doing nothing when actually
your Creativity is playing and learning hard.

The reason I don't freak out is because I KNOW with certainty (now) that the time I'm not physically writing is a time when something truly magical is happening. And I've learned to trust that.

Creativity isn't always an outward expression, the creation of 'something'. Creativity is often a thought process, a conscious journeying inward. It doesn't need to be helicopter parented. It's absolutely fine and dandy all by itself. It doesn't need you to navel gaze and wonder 'What is my Creativity doing today?', 'Let me set some goals for my Creativity', 'Let me bullet journal my Creative's To Do List'.

Creativity is your inner child. It's perfectly content playing imaginary games and role play all by itself, it doesn't need you to come along with your big scary notebook and your good intentions and start stamping on its parade, trying to organise it into some kind of narrative, and plot.

LEAVE THE POOR CHILD ALONE. Like all children, it will come home of its own accord when its hungry. That's when you sit it down at a table and ask it about its day. That's when you make notes and take an interest in its story.

I've learned to take my hands off the neck of my creativity. I've learned that my creativity LOVES adventure and new things, so I make sure that I do as much as that as possible. I travel, I explore, I take wonder in the world - the exotic and the everyday. Instagram has become the travel journal of my Creativity. You should head there and see the adventures that we have. Me and my Creativity love hanging out together, now I've stopped making demands on it.

However, my Creativity has expensive tastes, travel, experiences, indulgences don't come cheap, so like any good parent, I have to find a way of funding its needs, which is why I no longer consider myself a full time writer, but a part time writer and part time other something or other job title; editor, publisher, event planner. I work to feed my creativity - oh, and my real children ;)

Yes, it's not all the Facebook and Instagram face - there's a lot of hard work and slog, and late nights and long days behind it all to ensure my life, house, kids are in order, like the other 99% of the world, I work hard and long.

Go exploring. This place is just 8 miles away from our
suburban London home. See the world through the lens
of a camera. Not only does this help your Creativity
secure the image but you can also print out your pics
and stick them in scrap books for future projects. 

And the beauty of the day job is that it gives you healthy time apart. Like any relationship, a period of separation is a good thing; strengthens appreciation, care and love. Never begrudge your day job - unless you really hate it (which I came to the point of) and then in that instance, get a different one. Seriously, get an exit plan - a 1 year, 3 year, 5 year plan, but get one.

WHAT TO DO.

• RELAX -- recharge. 
• PLAY -- have fun. Do silly things. Fall in love again. Date your spouse. Play with your kids. 
• TRAVEL -- even if it's down a road in your neighbourhood you've never been to, or a cafe you've never had a coffee in, a bus route you've never taken. Pretend you're an alien and it's all new to you.
• EXPLORE -- especially in places / situations that are familiar to you. 
• WORK -- distract yourself, pull an extra shift knowing that money is for one of the above. 
• EDUCATE -- take a course - it might be part of your job exit plan;) 
• FIND A NEW HOBBY -- it might become your future day job, it might introduce you to a whole new friendship (character) circle. 

WHAT NOT TO DO

• Freak out
• Get grumpy
• Get angry
• Chase down your creativity into submission
• Get lazy and disaffected

Good luck everybody. Live your stories! (unless like me you write some horror, and then that wouldn't be a nice thing at all... )

Thanks for stopping by. Please, please share your tips about overcoming Writers' Block in the comment box below. Let's start a conversation.

Monday Musings: Why TEND is my word of the year.

After much navel staring, I have finally pinned down my word of the year. What is this crazy you speak of. Well, so many of my author and creative friends were embracing the idea of a Word of The Year that like the human I am, it felt I should have one, too.

But what? Why?

What word - how could I pin down all of my aspirations, hopes, dreams, plans and focus into just one word when it presently looks more like the abstract to a twenty thousand word thesis? That was the point. Condense, refine and analyse -- what do I really want 2017 to look like.

Why choose a word in the first place? My head is like a computer with twenty different browsers open all the time - and most of the time, that's fine, it's exciting and it's energy. It allows me to skip from one task to another with ease and efficiency--- but sometimes, that's not fine, sometimes it can lead to a massive crash and feelings of being overwhelmed and having a word - just a single word that reminds me of my true focus of my true goal is like having a reboot and recovery button all in one. It stops all the words and gives me the answer that I need.

So what is my word for 2017 - It may seem random on the surface but it's a word that has been so carefully selected; a word designed to create a magic sense of soothing calm amongst all the creative turbulence - and my word of the year is....

Tend: To care or look after; to give one's attention to. 

Why the word Tend? Okay, so it's not the most exciting of words - but it really does sum up what my main focus for 2017. Last year was a year of innovation, of change and of creation. Some amazing opportunities came up which will come to fruition this year. I underwent a complete rebrand, released several books and sowed the seeds for a lot of projects.

It's tempting when goal setting to fall into the mistake that goals have to always be out there pushing the boundaries, being all shiny and new, that in order to make progress, you have to accumulate more opportunities, more contacts, more projects -- more, more, more ---- but the revelation that I have come to (after hours and hours and hours of insomnia) is that this year isn't about moving forward, it's about moving within. It's not about accumulating new networks, projects, friends, colleagues, readers - it's about nurturing, tending to the ones that I already have.

I am blessed. I have everything I need in the present to grow something beautiful. I have 9 books out, each of which I love, but perhaps need a little care and nurture in light of the Katie M. John author-thing evolving. I have an amazing network of author friends, who I really want to give my attention to. I want to champion their new releases and spread the word about their work, rather than looking to expand my circle ever bigger and losing touch with those who mean so much to me. I have an incredible conference planned for August, and it's not about scale and glory, it's about gathering and tribe and sharing.

I am involved in several writing projects, which are fun and clever and a great way to give to my readers and to organically reach new ones. I am building a newsletter for my fan base who have supported me over the years. It's a way for me to pay back into that relationship - to nurture that precious relationship between storyteller and listener.

Tend is also a word that reaches beyond my book world into my family world. I am blessed to have two daughters who are growing at twice the speed of light - and it's easy to become absorbed in stories and risk missing the greatest story of them all; that of my daughter's childhood. They are now approaching nine and five.

But TEND is also a word that applies to self. To tend oneself or in easier terms #SelfCare. Self care isn't about being selfish, but for someone who feels so deeply when others' suffer, and who feels the urge to fix things - all of the time - the idea of paying attention to oneself is really important, and one of the hardest things to actually work. I'm a great believer in meditation and mindfulness and need to ensure that this is going to become a natural part of each of my days --- that and the dreaded exercise.

So yes, the word of the year is TEND and I'd love to hear yours and why you have chosen it.

10 Goals for 2017

So here's to the new year; may 2017 be a lot more full of positivity than 2016, which has been a gruelling year for many of us. It's traditional to set resolutions at the end of the old year but I've never been very good at resolutions; it's almost as if making something a resolution curses it. 

This year I am all for goals - and smashing them. That's how I feel about 2017; it's going to be full o energy, accomplishments and goal smashing. So here are my 2017 goals, which I'm setting down here more for my reference than your probable curiosity LOL 

• Finish The Crow Man for an April publication. My first adult horror title. A psycho-sexual, insanity horror story set in the 1950's exploring the theory of Monarch programming and women in 1950's society. Dark, twisted and graphic, this book has really taken it out of me and I am struggling to finish the last 10-20k words due to the shadows it casts on my soul -- but it will be finished. 


• Finish Angelicus for a May / June publication. Book 4 in The Meadowsweet Chronicles - a planned 7 book paranormal / occult upper YA series. Modern Witchcraft, ghosts, poltergeists, magic, demons, angels, headless huntsmen and all other manner of ancient folklore, fairytales and paranormal deliciousness. It is 1/3 written, all planned out and ready to be finished. 

Have a full table at UTOPiA con, Nashville. This will be the third year I am attending UTOPiA in Nashville. It was meant to be a once in a lifetime kind of deal, but somehow, I keep pressing that buy table ticket. This year, I am hoping to have a full table mostly because I can barely fit all my titles onto a half table any longer, and secondly because I am having guest author hosts who are going to help me out with my table this year. How exciting is that! 

Hold an awesome 2 day author conference and public signing event in August. Chapter.Con 2017 is my baby and I am so excited about it. After spending far too many years scribing all alone in the UK, I am bringing over the USA model of author, blogger and reader conventions to the UK; a chance for authors, bloggers and readers to get together and spend some serious quality time talking about publishing, authoring, blogging, social media and all things books,  as well as networking, sharing resources, making friends and also selling some books in an exciting public signing. I am touched how many international authors are already signed up to this very special event. If you're interested, you can find out more at www.chaptercon.weebly.com 

Grow my newsletter to 2.5k subscribers with a 30-40% open rate. I've shied away from newsletters for a long time - I wasn't sure that I had anything to say - but I've realised after the amaze-balls year that 2016 has been in many ways, I have loads to say and share with readers. It's also a really great way to give back to a reading community, which has supported me over the last 10 years. The newsletter is a way of sharing other great authors in my community, introducing my readers to fab new reads, but it's also a way for me to easily spoil my readers. For example, I am giving 500 subscribers a free eBook copy of 'When Sorrows Come' via instafreebie at the minute, and also a chance to win a paperback edition of the award nominated book. The newsletter also contains a Three Free Book Roll, which links subscribers to three fabulous free quality reads. If you'd like to join the party, you can do so here http://eepurl.com/ckO6KD 

Get this blog organised. This is one of my main goals for 2017. I want to make this blog consistent in its material, creating a clear pattern of posts depending on day, for example, 'Folklore Thursday' and 'Fan Girl Friday' - the idea of this is that you, as readers know exactly when to hit my blog to meet your needs. If it's free books you want, then Mondays, if it's folklore info, it's Thursday etc. 

Do more public signings. I've done Leeds, Nashville and Glasgow this year and its taught me one thing - I really love meeting readers and bloggers in the flesh. There's nothing beats having a conversation with fellow book lovers. I've got some great events lined up this year and I can't wait. 

Complete NaNoWriMo. This year, I crashed and burned - actually that's not true at all, I didn't even start the car. For the first year in five years, I didn't do NaNoWriMo and the reason why was because of really poor time management - this year, that won't happen. I have to ensure that I am protecting my own creative writing time as well as giving to a community that I love.  

Get Fitter and Healthier. Last year, I had a really good run from February to July I was super healthy. I had made a commitment and I thought I had passed the habit forming zone -- alas, due to a whole heap of excuses (and legitimate reasons) I gave up on the lot of it. I had built going to the gym 3 times a week into my schedule, I was doing mindfulness for at least 10 minutes a day. I lost that annoying stubborn stone and a half and I was feeling great - and then I hit a wall and rather than climb up it, I slumped down it and sat on the floor at the bottom of it, stuffing my face with comfort cheese. No more. I'm back on it --- just as soon as.... LOL. 

How Do You Get People To Take You Seriously?

Today, I was asked this question by a fellow creative; not an author but someone who is clearly fighting the same demons that I see being fought in the author community all the time.

You take yourself seriously -
you step out
into the world and you 'be'
who you want to be in the future.
This is me signing in Paris this
 summer.  This didn't
happen by accident. I made
it happen.

We didn't have long; it was a snatched conversation and I literally had a child hanging off my back at the time.

But I hope in that short 3 minute conversation, I instilled these important messages.  So what did I say in response to his question?

• Firstly, before you can ask others to take you and your art seriously, you have to take yourself and your art seriously - you invest in your art; you seek out those who are where you want to be and you observe, study, reach out, learn from them and then emulate them, discovering your own unique 'you' along the way. 

• You have to stop apologising for not being good enough - as a creative, you are constantly evolving, improving (You'll never be 'good enough' but you are as good as you need to be at this point) 




• You invest in your community. You give to the creative tribe, and you give - and then you give some more - and do you know what? It comes back. You build friendships, relationships, mutual respect - I refer to it as 'TRIBE' but you may just as well call it your 'ARMY'. 

You build an army of fellow creatives and you look after your
comrades, you nurture the friendships, and you learn from each other.
You support one another and you trust one another

and most importantly, 

You define yourself as artist and you live
your life as artist. 

• You stop waiting for others to define you as serious (sic, successful, talented, worthy, valid) YOU DEFINE YOURSELF as ARTIST. As CREATIVE. You are entirely free to be who you want to be. As my mentor, Janet Wallace  (Founder of Social Deviants) would say, "Be the future you in the present." Stop waiting for the fabled land and make it here, right now. 

I say these things like they're easy, as if they are a magic potion - and trust me, I know they're not. Unshackling the doubt demons, the fear of ridicule, the little voice that whispers 'you're delusional', 'You're a pipe-dreamer' is hard - and for some it's harder than others. 

We live in a world that prioritises money and celebrity and tries to measure everything within those terms - but the creative life isn't like that, and when you try to fit your art into such measurable quantities, that's when the tension and the doubt, and the fear smacks you in the face. 

There's a sense that unless you're doing everything on some crazy epic scale; you're topping the charts, you're making millions, you're winning awards, you're featured in magazines, on the television, that your name is part of pop-culture rhetoric, then you're a failure - that you're not serious... but that's.... well, it's rubbish! 

Nobody has the right to EVER tell you that your art isn't worthy, isn't valid, isn't 'proper'. Believe in yourself and believe in your art - and hold your head up high and wear your armour well - and if you've been wise enough to follow my advice - you're army will be standing right behind you. 

Have a wonderful Week. Go and make beautiful things, moments, and friendships. 

Kate x

Authors on Location

This is a blogpost that explores the power of getting out from behind the computer screen and going off on wild adventures to the places our characters live.

This September, I had an incredible adventure, I went to Paris with the #NCWR (Next Chapters Writing Retreat) run by Janet Wallace. It was incredible for many reasons, but one of the primary reasons was that it took place in Paris.

I love Paris - and when I say I 'love' Paris, I don't mean that in that typical 'Oh, I just simply love my holiday destination' way, I mean that when I'm there, my soul sings. Everything about Paris; the cafes, the food, the architecture, the vibrancy, the art, the people makes me tick. When I'm there, I feel the power of creativity in everything.

My love affair with Paris started nearly fifteen years ago when I went for the first time. I'd never really had a compulsion to go, assuming that the whole place would be some nightmare tourist destination, overly romanticised in in a gazillion films and books. I ended up going because of work, and the magic was instant. Paris really is as beautiful as the imagination.

Each time I have been, and I've been fortunate enough to go many times over the year, I have always vowed that one day, I would add to that long legacy of using Paris as a backdrop to a novel or series. And indeed, when I began penning out the second series of my serial 'Beautiful Freaks' it was a natural backdrop of the next stage in the story.

I had grown up studying the design of the Art Nouveau period, of reading French Aesthetic literature (sadly, not in French, but one day) and of the history of French art. (I was that kind of child LOL) The history of Paris is fascinating - it's raw and bloody, and full of flesh and vice, and nobility and adventure. It's a city that has indulged every pleasure and sense, and which has suffered every tragedy.

When I walk around Paris, I am haunted by a million ghosts.

So, to Beautiful Freaks. I discovered an online article about the avant garde cafes which swept Paris at the Fin de siecle. They were places that celebrated the transgressive, the dark creative mind, the limitless boundaries of spiritual and sensual experimentation. They were imbued with esoteric occultism; places of ideas and rituals. They had names like 'The Mouth of Hell' and 'The Devil's Playground' and catered for a tastes that have a long lineage in Paris. I knew immediately that this was where this story was going, that it was a natural home for my protagonist.

In Paris, there is a sense of intrinsic beauty in darkness; of ultimate life in death. The libertine pursuit for the the most pleasure that can be endured; the petit morte. The architecture reflects this, creating the sense of the sublime in the metropolis, verdant stone flora and fauna decorates almost every house, every gate and piece of iron work is excessive, and rich and full of sensuality - even the graveyards in Paris are a manifestation of this French notion that at the line between life and death, there is the ultimate beauty, the most exquisite creativity. That a rose is at its most exquisite and full of life the very moment before it begins to die.

So as part of our retreat, we spent some time visiting Monmarte Cemetery - a place of absolute inspiration and contemplation. They call Monmarte a Necropolis (A city of the dead) and you navigate it via quaint Victorian signposts, the kind you'd expect to see in any living city. The monuments are beyond a stone angel here and there, they are charnel houses, temples, and homes for the dead. They are pieces of craftsmanship and art - because there is beauty in death as much as in life.

And it's this fascination that sums up the idea of the Gothic in literature; that we are most alive when we are in fear of our own death - and it is perhaps why the character of the vampire, the werewolf, the quiet deadly danger refuses to fade from popularity; they are all creatures who hold the power of life and death in their hands - and that power is intoxicating.

And so to location - being there in Monmarte, walking the footsteps that I know my character has walked, seeing the things that I know my character has witnessed, touching the space and immersing myself in their world is invaluable - and it has put my creativity into overload - and by getting to know my characters' world in such an intimate way, it's helped me reflect on who I am as an author - as a creative identity. I guess, that as much as the adage, you are what you eat stands true, so does, 'You are What You Write.'

Beautiful Freaks Season 2 is DUE OUT SPRING 2017

BEAUTIFUL FREAKS SEASON 1 was nominated for a UTOPiA 2016 Award for Best Serial Series 2016

99¢ / 99p DOWNLOAD FOR OCTOBER

In order to celebrate the month dedicated to all things Gothic and darkling, Volume 1 (which contains episodes 1-6) has been placed on $0.99 Kindle Download. (Paperback editions are also available from Amazon worldwide, or if you want a signed edition, head over to my FB page and message me.

AMAZON USA: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01GE2PHM8
AMAZON UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01GE2PHM8

BLURB:

A dark and twisted saga that winds its way through the Victorian streets of London like a luxurious and lethal ribbon. 
When a series of terrifying and seemingly paranormal murders occur at a rapid rate, panic and fear grip the city. Still haunted by the ghost of the Whitechapel Ripper case, Inspector Steptree is forced to admit the murderer he now pursues maybe even more wicked and brutal. As the case closes down on the mysterious No.7 club, owned by the enigmatic Evangeline Valentine, Steptree discovers that evil is far from a fantasy. 
It is against this backdrop that Kaspian Blackthorne turns eighteen and begins his apprenticeship under the scientific maverick, Doctor Greyson, a pioneer in brain surgery, and human transplantation. Whilst Kaspian is introduced to the horrors and wonders of man’s scientific progress, he also begins an epic adventure of self-discovery and infatuation. Guided into the decadent and luxuriant world of the London West End night scene by his new friend Hugh Denvers, Kaspian tastes the sweet temptation of a life less ordinary, but such a privilege comes at a terrible price. 
A cast of timeless characters and dark, grown-up fairy tales interweave to create a rich and haunting tale of fear and desire.

What's the point of author retreats? My reflections on a 4 day retreat to Paris.

The idea of visual icons
is powerful. What is yours?

I've just got back from 4 nights in Paris on an author retreat with NCWR run by Janet Wallace (Founder of UTOPiA Con in Nashville. TN. USA) Now this wasn't a creative writing retreat, or a get your book written kind of retreat, this was business. The business of how as an author, I can make myself more visible, more confident and rock the branding of both me as author of multiple genres, and of my book series.

The days of 'Don't judge a book by its cover' are well and truly gone. Visuals have always been key to selling things. Visuals communicate not just a million words, but hopes, dreams and aspirations. Visuals stimulate the idea of need and need is the primary step in selling anything. (Even if that need is abstract, like I need to be cooler, perceived differently, individual etc)

Taking time out to reflect, create
and inspire without distractions of
our daily, normal domestic life is
imperative for growth

During the retreat we had a wide variety of activities, from seminars on Visual Branding run by the incredibly talented Regina Wamba, to Making Yourself Visible from Janet Wallace, to Styling run by Cat Espinosa (Formerly of design house Calvin Klein).  A large part of the weekend was about reflecting on how we can communicate who we as authors are, what our books convey and which readers we want to connect with.

As well as taking part in seminars, we spent a lot of time gallivanting around Paris on photoshoots - ensuring that we could come home with a bank of photos designed to kick start our professional branding revamp or creation. The photoshops were run by Regina Wamba, the artist behind many book covers on the USA TODAY bestsellers list. Her beautiful, kind and fun nature made it a really fun exercise - and we were terrified.

Although I had one very dear friend and several acquaintances I knew before from attending UTOPiA, the retreat was an incredibly social time, and deep friendships were forged in those four days. There's something about travelling together that creates a special and deep bond. Experiencing new things makes us see ourselves in a new light. It was also incredibly powerful having no other responsibility for 4 days other than me, myself and I. I've never had such a period of prolonged self indulgence since becoming a mother 8 years ago. It made me realise that somehow, I have to carve out more opportunities to just be me, as an I, with me and my thoughts, my dreams, my aspirations and my hopes.

Loving the job that we do and
looking after ourselves. Happy
people who can create their own
moments of happiness are more
likely to succeed. 

One of the biggest lessons learned from the retreat was that in oder to be successful, you have to invest in yourself - and sometimes that does mean you have to put your money where your dreams are in order for them to manifest. That doesn't mean that you have to be rich to become a bestselling author in the indie, small press world, but it does mean that you have to prioritise where you spend your money - and in order to do that, you need to have a plan; a clear direction of where you are and where you want to be. It means making choices about what matters to you.

Living the dream and
making it happen.
Doing a micro-signing
in Paris

The retreat also offered us a chance to do a signing in Paris and to collect lots of images and experiences to use on our social media platforms. If you want to interest people, you have to do interesting things. It's as simple (and complex) as that LOL.

I returned yesterday and my head is literally buzzing from the amount of information and tasks I need to implement; it's going to take several weeks to actuate, and several months to actual enact. I could try and stuff this post full of everything I learned, experienced and did, but it would be like the mother of all tidal waves. So I'm going to break down things as I blog about my actuation of them. I look forward to you following me on this growth journey, and I hope you feel inspired to undertake your own investments of both time and money.

If you want things to happen, you have to make them happen; it's not luck. The universe isn't a lottery, but a garden, and it needs nurture, care and time. I am so excited to begin this next season of my growth - and it's thanks to the incredible people I've had the opportunity to share this time with.

Make sure you sign up to the blog to follow this magic happen! Ask me anything you like about the experience, retreats and investing in yourself in the comment box. I'll try and answer all of them

Kate x

Opening Chapters: When Sorrows Come.

Today I am sharing with you the first three chapters of 'When Sorrows Come', a stand alone novel that was nominated for a 2016 UTOPiA book award for Contemporary Fiction, and which has gathered the most heartfelt, praising reviews.

The  writing of 'When Sorrows Come' was a very challenging experience; it tackles some seriously big issues head on, many of which I have personal experience of.

When I was thirteen-years-old, my father developed very serious mental health issues and I, like many teens, was thrust into a role I didn't ask for, that of being a Young Carer. My teenage years was littered with 999 calls and visits to the psychiatric unit at our very backward thinking rural hospital. It meant my childhood ended abruptly and without mercy.

However, it was a fire that forged a passionate, determined spirit - one that wouldn't let the often harrowing experiences of her teenage years define her future. That's not always been easy, and of course, like all human beings it's been a recovery period, with some serious emotion tentacles that have been harder to cast off than others.

'When Sorrows Come' was part of this slaying. I had wanted to write a book about the impact of parental mental health issues in a YA book for a long time, but it was both a personal and social challenge - like any highly emotive subject.

When I read Hamlet as a teenager, it fast became one of the most influential books I ever read; there was so much within the pages that resonated even if the parallels were not obvious. Sitting down to write through my experiences as a teenager, Hamlet  felt the perfect companion - a way for me to work through the complex emotions of first love, awakening desire, parental disappointment, being an outsider, secret burdens - and that all consuming quiet rage that gets tangled in a hard and deep first love affair.

'When Sorrows Come' was difficult to share, and I sat on it for three years before finally plucking up the courage to put it out there - when I did, it received a reception that I could only have hope for. Readers messaged me on Facebook, email and via reviews to tell me how deeply they had been affected by the book - how it had made them cry, and how the book had haunted them for weeks after reading.

It is sad, it is beautiful, it is dark, it is full of passion - but most importantly, it is full of hope. 

It was nominated this year for a UTOPiA award for Contemporary Fiction and I really could have cried myself, I was so moved that fellow authors who I have fan-girled and admired for years put it forward for an award.




CHAPTER 1
{MALACHI}

Malachi tips the glass of bourbon to unsettle the caramel-glass surface. He sees his father’s face reflected back at him. Younger of course - but they are unmistakably his father’s eyes. They are the colour of dark chocolate. Malachi’s younger sister, Maud, has the same colour eyes as their mother; ice-blue. Their father had been a great man, not just in the eyes of his son, but in the eyes of the world. As one of the leading scholars of Shakespeare, he had attained the status of an international geek superstar. It is a hard legacy for his seventeen-year-old son to carry. Malachi downs the rest of the liquor, stands and straightens his black mourning tie and smooths his hands over his dark grey suit.

Today is the day of his mother’s wedding. It is also the seven month anniversary of his father’s death. Malachi’s jaw is clenched so hard his teeth hurt. The pain feels reassuring.

“Malachi!” his mother calls up the stairs to him. “The cars are waiting.”

He looks at the bottle of bourbon on the desk. His father had opened it the night before he died. There are just a couple of shots left. Malachi has eked it out. Ridiculous as it sounds, it has made him feel less of a loss, as if each glass has been shared together. When it is gone, those moments will also be gone.

“Malachi!” His mother’s voice is urgent. She is keen to be a bride. The thought of it makes him feel sick. He picks up the bottle, uncorks the stopper with his teeth and pours the rest of the burning spirit down his throat; an action he knows he will regret in the coming quiet hours of grief. The intensity of it all brings tears to his eyes. He fights them back. He knows it will not be the only time today he will have to fight this battle.

He is hiding out in his father’s study. Graham, his father’s brother, soon to be husband to his brother’s wife, (yes, incest is complicated) has promised Malachi that the office will remain his. His father’s things will not be moved. Malachi is not holding this promise dear. After all, what worth is the word of a man who jumps into bed with the widow of his brother even before his brother has rotted in the ground? Not for the first time, the image of his father’s corpse comes back to haunt him. 
The bourbon makes Malachi cough. He has not heard Maud enter the study and he startles when he feels her hand on his shoulder.

“Kai,” she speaks with the voice of a lullaby, “everybody is waiting for you.”

“Let them wait!”

“Ssh!” she soothes and strokes the dark ringlets of his hair. “Don’t do this today, Kai. Mama knows how you feel; the whole family know how you feel, and you’re not alone.”

Malachi balls his fist. The urge to destroy something is almost overwhelming.

Maud holds out a pale blue silk tie and implores him with her eyes to change. Malachi bats her hand away. It should be enough that he is going to the blasted wedding. He runs his hand along the waist line of his trousers, tucking his shirt tightly in before doing up his jacket button.

“Let’s go.” He walks out, leaving Maud’s hand still suspended in the air. She is also unhappy about her mother’s hasty marriage to her Uncle Graham. He is a strange man - she has never liked him. Fourteen-year-old Maud is a born again Christian. She has the youthful sureness of right and wrong; the pastor has told her that her mother’s marriage to her late husband’s brother is a cardinal sin - they are both condemned to Hell. Malachi hopes the pastor is right, and they get there sooner rather than later.

Their mother is waiting for them at the bottom of the stairs. She is dressed up like a pea-hen, all white satin and a festoon of feathers. Her cheeks are over-rouged. She has lipstick on her teeth. Malachi doesn’t tell her - he takes a quiet satisfaction in her social faux-pas (as if the wedding wasn’t bad taste enough). She looks at him hard, notes his black tie and goes to say something before thinking better of it. She knows he is an unexploded bomb. The boy needs to stop being so gloomy. Death is just a part of life. Life is short. “Out, out brief candle, life is nothing but a walking shadow that struts and frets its hour upon the stage and then is heard no more.” She smiles sadly at herself. She can quote Shakespeare as easily as the names of her own children, but it means very little to her. In all the years she was married to the esteemed Professor Stone, she had never read or watched one of Shakespeare’s plays in its entirety. Her knowledge of the bard was as fragmented as the knowledge she really had of her husband.

His brother Graham had always loved her. He had told her this on the day she wed his brother. He had tried to kiss her before she left for the church and she had slapped him. Not because of his uninvited attempt, but because he had left it too late. The ‘professor brother’ had already staked an eternal claim - she was pregnant with Malachi. For eighteen years Graham had stood in the shadows watching on as his golden-haloed brother lived the perfect life - except it wasn’t.  The silent, heavy moment between Malachi and his mother passes. She wishes he could read her mind and know just how much she loves him, even if she doesn’t particularly like him at present. She is blocking the stairway and Malachi catches her shoulder roughly as he passes by. It is a cold moment but she lets it pass and smiles weakly at her daughter, looking for sympathy. Maud replies with a steely glare and a shrug of the shoulders.

Malachi arrives at the Registry Office earlier than the wedding party and takes a seat on the back row. The guests have not noticed him arrive and he can hear their whispers. They are there because in their small community, his family count as aristocracy - no matter what, the aristos stick together - and also because they like nothing more than to be a front row spectator at a road-crash. His mother had asked if he would give her away but he had refused. There had been a terrible row. Horrible, irrecoverable things had been said. Malachi had stayed out all night. When Maud had asked him where he had been, he had refused to tell her, but she knew … he had been with Ophelia.

Soon after he arrives, Lucy, Malachi’s girlfriend arrives and takes a seat next to him. She reaches out and takes his hand in hers. It is limp and uncommitted. She is wearing a pink silk dress suit and matching hat and shoes. Malachi glances at her and thinks she looks like a younger version of his mother. He returns her smile out of habit. He stays with Lucy as a form of self-discipline (possibly self-punishment). Staying with her is an exercise in self-control, proving he can conquer the weakness that is human emotion; that he is not a slave to love. He is a free man. An evolved man. A superior being beyond the baseness of human frailty. She leans in and whispers to him, “Are you okay?”

It is a stupid question and one that Ophelia would never ask - but Lucy, well she’s a different type of girl entirely.  Malachi nods. His jaw is still tightly clenched.

“Your sister gave me this.” Lucy hands out the wretched, blue-silk tie and smiles her sweetest smile as if she understands but maybe knows better than him.

“That was nice of Maud but I’m really not sure it goes with your lovely outfit, sweetheart,” he replies.
She laughs. (God how that laugh annoys him.) He counts to three with deep breaths in between.
“It would be a nice gesture to wear it …” she makes a small drama of scanning the room and then leans in conspiratorially “… and maybe it will stop some of the whispering.”

Malachi stares straight ahead and twists the top of his black tie. “Quite frankly, my dear, I don’t give a fuck what other people are saying!”

The word “fuck” has been said loud enough to cause a small ripple of surprise from some of the elderly ladies in the row in front, and Lucy is doing her best to smile and be charming - apologising on his behalf for his outrageous behaviour. Malachi does not feel sorry. Lucy is squirming in her seat. Malachi allows himself a wry smile - she will accommodate his every instruction later in order to appease her angry god. He knows his cruelty does not make him good.  The music strikes up and his mother walks down the aisle. She looks slightly flustered and he is happy that maybe he has cast a cloud over her day. The legal process is thankfully swift. (Even she is not audacious enough to pretend God or any other ‘spirit’ would approve of a sentimental exchange between them.) Before he knows it, the wedding party are standing on the steps of the Town Hall, confetti raining down around them and the photographer barking orders for them to smile. When the photos are returned Malachi has refused. 

You can continue reading for just 99¢/ 99p on KINDLE

(It's on SALE until September 15th) or get it in paperback for just £5.99 on AMAZON worldwide. 

UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/When-Sorrows-Come-Katie-John/dp/1523216476 
USA: https://www.amazon.com/When-Sorrows-Come-Katie-John/dp/1523216476
ALL OTHER E-BOOK PLATFORMS https://books2read.com/u/bpLXJb 

FREE BOOKS! Why I put Books 1 of my series on free.

Who doesn't love a good freebie. Did you know that you can get both Book 1 of 'The Meadowsweet Chronicles', and Book 1 of 'The Knight Trilogy' free on all ebook platforms? Well you can.

I made the decision to put Books 1 of both my series on perma-free after much thought. I'm not a household name, and despite having had some fabulous sales, several best-selling rankings, and beautiful star gradings on all of the various (and sometimes scary) review platforms, I am not a USA Today bestseller or any of that other astronomically awesome stuff, but I do write books that most people who make a punt on, enjoy - and there are many (according to star ratings) who enjoy them very much indeed.

Book 1. 'Witchcraft' is free on all eBook platforms.
Go to www.katiemjohn.com to pick up the links

But there are just so many authors out there shouting to be heard - many authors who are amazing, and who tell the most bewitching and talented stories, but who get lost in the bun-fight. Way before I was an author, I became a reader - and I know how it is... it takes a lot to invest in a book, especially when you have a fearsome reading habit and a purse that doesn't match it. And it isn't just money - there's this silent communication of trust that runs between a reader and an author when you pick up a book - it's a don't let me down kind of thing; I've trusted you, I've invested in you - please don't be crap LOL

Well, my view as an author is, I want to share stories more than I want to make money (although it would be nice to be able to pay for luxuries like food, light, school shoes for the kids, notebooks and wine... most importantly wine)

My thought is, if I give you book one of my series, (both of which took over a year to write and over a thousand pounds to produce - not accounting for my actual time because authors often like to deny the idea of actually having a salary, but let's say we do take that into account - at least 20 thousand pounds if I was running my own sweat shop, which I am...) then if you like it, you move onto the next book priced at a fair (and some would argue, still too cheaply priced) $2.99-$3.99 / £2.99-£3.99

I know there have been some readers who have found this policy annoying. They think that if Book One is free then all other books from that author should be free - well, yeah, you guys are smart enough to see why that a) isn't sustainable and b) just isn't fair.

Book 1 'The Forest of Adventures' is free on all
ebook platforms. Head to www.katiemjohn.com to
pick up the links. 

The other thing we (as reader and author) are doing, is sticking up to Amazon just a little - not that I don't love love them (I really do love you Amazon, honest) You see, what most readers don't realise is that Amazon (I love you) have this really (some might say 'evil') policy that if you are an author and you price your book under $2.99 then you can only reap a 30% royalty from them. Yep, that's right, folks, every single $0.99 book you ever buy, the author gets just $0.33!

However, as soon as a book is priced over $2.99 then the royalty goes up to a whopping 70%. Now you know how the market has been swamped with $0.99 deals, and how that has forced the market into thinking that is a new norm - well it isn't, and quite frankly, it's a little sickening to sell your book for a 1/3 of the price of a coffee, knowing that you are going to get just $0.33 (£0.20p) from each sale.

Personally, I would rather give you the book and we set up this whole reader, author relationship of trust, whereby I provide you stories you like, and you support my writing by future purchases at a fair price that plays the Amazon game sweetly - and if you feel so inclined, to leave a review as well that would be amazingly awesome - because weirdly, the more reviews you have (whatever star rating) it pushes you up the rankings and makes you more visible on searches etc.

So there we are - that's why I give away my books - not because they're crap but because I love you.

They're free on all platforms - and if you head over to www.katiemjohn.com - right there on the landing page is the links to Amazon and iBooks - you can't miss them. And whilst you're there, feel free to take a little tour around at my other 7 books ;)