Flunked your A-Levels? A message from 'a failure'.

A-Levels.

My A-level day wasn't great. I'd been a high achiever all my life, aced my GCSE and had a conditional offer from Cambrige University, which coming from a Northern comprehensive school and from a disadvantaged background was quite something.

The two years of my A-Level studies were hard. I was studying 5 A-LEVELS and my father was in and out of a psychiatric unit because his bi-polar and medication made him frequently suicidal and when he was home, life was incredibly difficult.

My mother was working 3-4 different jobs at a time just to keep the roof over our head and to feed us. I will always respect her for that.

Me in Paris for a book signing Sept 2017

I was working part time as well as studying because it was the only way I would have any money, and because Friday and Saturday nights were party night--a chance to completely forget all the shit going on at home. I had a very unhealthy gin and red wine habit, but it was the 1990s and most of us from the age of 16 had unhealthy alcohol habits.

I was also in a really messed up relationship (or maybe a couple of messed up relationships) in that first year of studies.

And amongst all that, I had taken it upon myself to apply for Cambridge, get an interview that no one prepped me for and get a conditional offer.

The day of my English Lit A-Level was the day after my father had a serious psychotic episode that resulted in hospital admission. I'd been up until past midnight as the services were dealing with him and I was a mess.

Me in New York for a book signing
Sept 2017

It wasn't a time that schools really got that whole student well-being stuff, and it certainly wasn't a time that people knew how to handle discussions about mental health. I was ignored by the staff because they didn't know what to say. There were no allowances, no care, no special circumstances.

When the results came, I got a B. I'd been predicted a top grade in English, just like 3 of the other A-Levels. It didn't matter in the end, apart from pride, because all my other grades were Bs and Cs too.

I wasn't going to Cambridge.
I wasn't even going to a 'top university'.

To be honest. It felt like the world had stopped spinning for a day or two.

I took my fourth choice of St. Mary's University in Twickenham, and convinced myself that it was going to be fabulous to be so near to London... and it was.

St. Mary's was exactly what I needed in my life at that moment. It was small, caring, faith based (not my own but nevertheless) I was a big fish in a small pond. I aced my first term assignments, I became head of the literature society, I built great relationships with my tutors, who restored my esteem and faith in myself, I roomed on the small campus with a room mate and it was a village where I could start to rebuild and discover myself.

I will be eternally grateful for not getting the grades to Cambridge, which I honestly believe would have further destroyed me.

Today, I travel the world as an author and small publisher, I go on the most incredible adventures, I hang with the most amazing people.

I'm married to the guy I got together with in the second year of A-LEVELS and who stood by all the crazy. I have two beautiful daughters and live close by the university, where I now hold a residential conference for writers every two years.

What this tells you is that things happen for a reason. If you didn't get the grades you needed, or wanted, then maybe there's a bigger picture for you.

Life isn't all about grades, but it is about doing the very most you can with the resources that you have, about not settling in the same place, to always believe you can do better, attain your dreams, even if it's not in the way you've been raised to believe.

I was a secondary school English teacher, in charge of GCSE English for many years. In the end, I left partly because I couldn't reconcile my soul and ethics to the exam and grade culture we are enforcing on our students. It's destructive and it isn't true.

IT ISN'T TRUE. I promise you that your grades are merely an advantage, not the answer. They don't guarantee you anything in life. They make getting through some doors a little easier, but once inside that room, they're like ether.

It's your personality, your values, your work ethic, your confidence, your belief, your integrity, being well-read, being well-travelled, culturally aware, business savvy, good with money, knowing when to risk it all and when to protect it all that will make you a success.

It's your ability to truly love and accept yourself that will allow others to love you and for you to build up relationships that make you happy.

And honestly, happiness is the ultimate goal, and no one needs top grades for that.

Be strong. Good luck and always reach for your dreams <3 span=""> <3 span=""> <3 span="">

How Do You Get People To Take You Seriously?

Today, I was asked this question by a fellow creative; not an author but someone who is clearly fighting the same demons that I see being fought in the author community all the time.

You take yourself seriously -
you step out
into the world and you 'be'
who you want to be in the future.
This is me signing in Paris this
 summer.  This didn't
happen by accident. I made
it happen.

We didn't have long; it was a snatched conversation and I literally had a child hanging off my back at the time.

But I hope in that short 3 minute conversation, I instilled these important messages.  So what did I say in response to his question?

• Firstly, before you can ask others to take you and your art seriously, you have to take yourself and your art seriously - you invest in your art; you seek out those who are where you want to be and you observe, study, reach out, learn from them and then emulate them, discovering your own unique 'you' along the way. 

• You have to stop apologising for not being good enough - as a creative, you are constantly evolving, improving (You'll never be 'good enough' but you are as good as you need to be at this point) 




• You invest in your community. You give to the creative tribe, and you give - and then you give some more - and do you know what? It comes back. You build friendships, relationships, mutual respect - I refer to it as 'TRIBE' but you may just as well call it your 'ARMY'. 

You build an army of fellow creatives and you look after your
comrades, you nurture the friendships, and you learn from each other.
You support one another and you trust one another

and most importantly, 

You define yourself as artist and you live
your life as artist. 

• You stop waiting for others to define you as serious (sic, successful, talented, worthy, valid) YOU DEFINE YOURSELF as ARTIST. As CREATIVE. You are entirely free to be who you want to be. As my mentor, Janet Wallace  (Founder of Social Deviants) would say, "Be the future you in the present." Stop waiting for the fabled land and make it here, right now. 

I say these things like they're easy, as if they are a magic potion - and trust me, I know they're not. Unshackling the doubt demons, the fear of ridicule, the little voice that whispers 'you're delusional', 'You're a pipe-dreamer' is hard - and for some it's harder than others. 

We live in a world that prioritises money and celebrity and tries to measure everything within those terms - but the creative life isn't like that, and when you try to fit your art into such measurable quantities, that's when the tension and the doubt, and the fear smacks you in the face. 

There's a sense that unless you're doing everything on some crazy epic scale; you're topping the charts, you're making millions, you're winning awards, you're featured in magazines, on the television, that your name is part of pop-culture rhetoric, then you're a failure - that you're not serious... but that's.... well, it's rubbish! 

Nobody has the right to EVER tell you that your art isn't worthy, isn't valid, isn't 'proper'. Believe in yourself and believe in your art - and hold your head up high and wear your armour well - and if you've been wise enough to follow my advice - you're army will be standing right behind you. 

Have a wonderful Week. Go and make beautiful things, moments, and friendships. 

Kate x