Flunked your A-Levels? A message from 'a failure'.

A-Levels.

My A-level day wasn't great. I'd been a high achiever all my life, aced my GCSE and had a conditional offer from Cambrige University, which coming from a Northern comprehensive school and from a disadvantaged background was quite something.

The two years of my A-Level studies were hard. I was studying 5 A-LEVELS and my father was in and out of a psychiatric unit because his bi-polar and medication made him frequently suicidal and when he was home, life was incredibly difficult.

My mother was working 3-4 different jobs at a time just to keep the roof over our head and to feed us. I will always respect her for that.

Me in Paris for a book signing Sept 2017

I was working part time as well as studying because it was the only way I would have any money, and because Friday and Saturday nights were party night--a chance to completely forget all the shit going on at home. I had a very unhealthy gin and red wine habit, but it was the 1990s and most of us from the age of 16 had unhealthy alcohol habits.

I was also in a really messed up relationship (or maybe a couple of messed up relationships) in that first year of studies.

And amongst all that, I had taken it upon myself to apply for Cambridge, get an interview that no one prepped me for and get a conditional offer.

The day of my English Lit A-Level was the day after my father had a serious psychotic episode that resulted in hospital admission. I'd been up until past midnight as the services were dealing with him and I was a mess.

Me in New York for a book signing
Sept 2017

It wasn't a time that schools really got that whole student well-being stuff, and it certainly wasn't a time that people knew how to handle discussions about mental health. I was ignored by the staff because they didn't know what to say. There were no allowances, no care, no special circumstances.

When the results came, I got a B. I'd been predicted a top grade in English, just like 3 of the other A-Levels. It didn't matter in the end, apart from pride, because all my other grades were Bs and Cs too.

I wasn't going to Cambridge.
I wasn't even going to a 'top university'.

To be honest. It felt like the world had stopped spinning for a day or two.

I took my fourth choice of St. Mary's University in Twickenham, and convinced myself that it was going to be fabulous to be so near to London... and it was.

St. Mary's was exactly what I needed in my life at that moment. It was small, caring, faith based (not my own but nevertheless) I was a big fish in a small pond. I aced my first term assignments, I became head of the literature society, I built great relationships with my tutors, who restored my esteem and faith in myself, I roomed on the small campus with a room mate and it was a village where I could start to rebuild and discover myself.

I will be eternally grateful for not getting the grades to Cambridge, which I honestly believe would have further destroyed me.

Today, I travel the world as an author and small publisher, I go on the most incredible adventures, I hang with the most amazing people.

I'm married to the guy I got together with in the second year of A-LEVELS and who stood by all the crazy. I have two beautiful daughters and live close by the university, where I now hold a residential conference for writers every two years.

What this tells you is that things happen for a reason. If you didn't get the grades you needed, or wanted, then maybe there's a bigger picture for you.

Life isn't all about grades, but it is about doing the very most you can with the resources that you have, about not settling in the same place, to always believe you can do better, attain your dreams, even if it's not in the way you've been raised to believe.

I was a secondary school English teacher, in charge of GCSE English for many years. In the end, I left partly because I couldn't reconcile my soul and ethics to the exam and grade culture we are enforcing on our students. It's destructive and it isn't true.

IT ISN'T TRUE. I promise you that your grades are merely an advantage, not the answer. They don't guarantee you anything in life. They make getting through some doors a little easier, but once inside that room, they're like ether.

It's your personality, your values, your work ethic, your confidence, your belief, your integrity, being well-read, being well-travelled, culturally aware, business savvy, good with money, knowing when to risk it all and when to protect it all that will make you a success.

It's your ability to truly love and accept yourself that will allow others to love you and for you to build up relationships that make you happy.

And honestly, happiness is the ultimate goal, and no one needs top grades for that.

Be strong. Good luck and always reach for your dreams <3 span=""> <3 span=""> <3 span="">

Author Mummy: How do you balance Home, Family and Author Life?

This post comes from a regularly occurring post in one of the forums I am on and after writing a reply, I realised how much I had to say on this - because after 10 years of authoring, I've had to either adapt or self-destruct. 

When I started writing I had a very demanding full time job, a new baby and a home to run because my husband commutes and was also doing the last stages of night school. It was tough. I can't remember how I did it, but somehow I did, and I wrote and published at least 5 novels over a 6 year period. 

Three years ago, I quit the day job to concentrate on the writing and to be more present for our children. I foolishly thought this would mean that I would, being a full time writer, be on my fiftieth novel by now. Oh, how I laugh!

Part of the reason was because despite being at home all day whilst the children were at school, somehow the house becoming a ridiculously demanding mistress, and because I was home there was an expectation (90% self imposed) that the house had to be perfect and that like a good 1950's housewife, everybody nurtured cared and catered for. 

Well suddenly between being begged by the kids to come and help at school, laundry, cooking, shopping, caring for my mum, organising tradesmen etc etc etc, time disappeared. Poof! Gone! 

I tried scheduling. It didn't work. It stressed me out. 

I tried communicating with my family. They tried. It didn't work. It stressed me out.

I tried running away to coffee shops. It sort of worked. It cost a lot. I wasted money. 

SO, I needed to take direct action. 

I wasn't prepared to compromise my home and family ideals. I wasn't prepared to make my family compromise for my writing by hiding away in an office, by making them eat off paper plates, by leaving them to fend for themselves. 

This is what I did, and it works - mostly. Family life is mercurial and chaotic by its very nature. Kids get sick, the dishwasher breaks, building work needs to be done, your pre-teen has a melt down every 5 minutes, family visit... but honestly, this has worked for us and we are happier, healthier, more connected, more content. 

A lot of the tensions have gone.

It's taken a good 4-6 month period establish the following, and that has been frustrating in itself but I had to remember I was playing a long game not a short fix that fades in a week or two, like schedules and conversations.

I had to change the behaviour patterns of my family and myself. Here's what I and WE did. 

1) MAJOR HOUSE DECLUTTER. 

This has been the gruelling bit, but stuff equals clutter, equals disorganisation, equals more hours of cleaning and tidying. We started at the top with our eldest's bedroom and worked down. 

We labelled the childrens' clothes draws and invested in storage boxes. We got rid of lots of stuff and rearranged the furniture for streamline hoovering and dusting - also making it easier for her to take more responsibility. 

The idea was that by eliminating unnecessary stuff, firstly it looked tidier and cleaner already without doing anything and secondly, it meant that everything had space to have a place and that meant if it had a place, it could be tidied by anyone and quickly. 

2) MAJOR WARDROBE DECLUTTER &  LAUNDRY STREAMLINE.

I reduced everyone (still a process in motion) to capsule wardrobes. How many t-shirts, jumpers and jeans do they actually need? How many 'smart' outfits. This saved money and washing time. The eldest has her own laundry basket and a weekend chore to bring it down. 

With her drawers labelled this enabled her to put away her own clothes without anxiety

3) BATCH COOK

Careful planning and doubling up means you can batch cook on a Sunday afternoon for a good part of the week. By doubling the quantities and freezing down you save huge amounts of time and mental energy. Good dishes for this are lasagna, casseroles, fish pies, stews, pies, chilli con carne, spaghetti Bolognese, curries etc. 

4) ONLINE FOOD SHOP

This ties to the previous point. Menu planning and shopping lists enable really efficient online food shops which are not only much more efficient but they're a really good way of controlling your budget and your health. 

5) SCHOOL / WORK STATION

By the front door, hang hooks and place a basket. You may be lucky enough for a cloakroom. Each person has a hook to hang their coat, scarf, hat, and school tie! A basket for work and school shoes. They have a further peg for their work / school bag and kit bags, and music art bags etc (packed on the Sunday ready for the week) Water bottles filled the night before and in the fridge. 

6) MONEY TALKS CHORE CHARTS

Our kids are very reluctant chore doers. However, the sight of money is motivating. I've made them chore charts with clear plastic wallets underneath that physically contain the money. When they've done the chore they get to put the money into the moneybox on the shelf next to the chart. Rosie is 10. Her chores are Recycling 1 Sunday (50p) Recycling 2 Wednesday (50p) Room tidy on Wednesday (£1) Make mum and dad a cup of tea in bed at weekend (50p each morning) and bring her washing down, sort into white and dark piles. Place in machine (£1) 

Betty is 5. She has make her bed every morning (10p a day) Hang her coat, shoes, bags etc on hook every day (10p a day)

These really help with teaching them responsibility. 

7) THE 10 MIN PRE-BED BLITZ 

Ten minutes - and we put it on the clock timer like big kids and that's how we approach it. A race against the clock. In that 10 minutes we straighten the front room, load the dishwasher, take dry laundry upstairs, feed the cats and do a quick mess sweep. When the clock stops, so do we. 

This means we're already massively up on the day when we wake up. This means there is rarely more than 30 mins  of tidying and cleaning which done after the school run, means I'm totally clear from 9.30am-3.30pm 

I also need to be in a tidy space to work and it stops procrastination. Ready for the day and ready for work. 

8) SCHOOL BASED AFTERSCHOOL CLUBS

One night a week the girls stay at school until 4.30pm doing Creative Writing and Cookery. This makes a huge difference on a Wednesday. I know I have 7 hours of uninterrupted writing and business time. 

9) EARLY WEEKEND DOORS

I'm rubbish at getting up in the morning but on occasions, I have been known to sneak down at 5.30am and do a couple of hours quiet writing on a weekend before sneaking back up to bed for 8.30 before everyone else wakes and then having a little lie in after that. (Occasionally the youngest sneaks down too, but as she doesn't venture much further than the television on a Saturday morning, she's often not even known I'm up) 

So here are my very real and very doable tips for finding more time to write and to keep the home fires burning bright and warm. I'd be really interested to know what works for you other than the dreaded scheduling answer that I always seem bandied around.  

 

5 Point Social Media Blitz for the Time Poor.

Article also published on LinkedIn profile. https://www.linkedin.com/in/katie-m-john-6b17a669/

When you're a creative, busy... creating, it's super hard to keep all the social media plates spinning. There aren't endless hours in the day, and as our visibility online grows, as we connect with new readers, investors, patrons, et al, we find ourselves joining even more social media platforms and online communities in order to create even more visibility and success.

It can be exhausting, and it can also be damaging if you let some of those platforms drift creating a footprint of earlier branding that may not fully reflect where you are now at.

In oder to keep a fresh, cohesive brand across the internet and social media world, I have created a process of consciously 'quick checking'. It can be really easy to be sucked into a sparkly new social media platform, plough all your current work, concepts, branding and time into it - but the danger is that the others lag behind and the connections you have worked so hard to build, start to grow stale.

Here is a quick 5 point check which can be done in just one or two hours of your time a month.

Before you begin, write a list of all the social-media platforms, forums and other places you have at some point made a profile for. (You'll be amazed, especially as like me, you've probably jumped on every up and coming subject related platform over the years. You may need to google yourself.)

MONTHLY:

1: YOU. Make sure all your profile pictures are a) relevant to the audience for that particular social platform, b) make it one of your more recent photos, and c) good quality, which means properly lit, properly cropped, and appropriate context. (It's really good practice to try and get photos of you taken on a regular basis and build up a folder on your desktop so you can just grab one - a good selfie has its place, too so don't be afraid to get in front of the camera) 

2: BANNERS. Don't underestimate the power of banners to be an effective advertising space. Does your banner demonstrate fully a) What you do? b) What's fresh and new in your world? c) Have either an explicit or implicit call to action depending on the platform.

3: POST. Write a single post (it can be a copy & paste on each of the platforms if time is really squeezed) but it should include where you've been, what you've been doing, what your currently excited about and will show you've not been inactive, just really creatively busy. It will also show you're still willing to engage, and your not abandoning your fan / reader / patron base. If people stumble across your page, it also shows that you aren't missing in the ether and no longer relevant.

4: ENGAGE. Spend 5 minutes engaging with 10 other people on that platform. Leave a comment on their post, ask a question, share a post - demonstrate that as well as swinging by to broadcast, you're willing to engage and connect. It gives the impression that you are a lot more active than you actually are.

5: DELETE. Ask yourself what each particular profile is doing for you. If it's not working, if you know in your heart that you don't have the time or inclination to invest in it, then delete it. It's better to have 3 or 4 really engaging, exciting, fresh and live platforms where people know where to find you than having a load of dead or dying fish in the water. Poorly managed social media platforms can do more damage than not having one in the first place.

If you do each of these 5 small tasks once a month - maybe allocated a specific day (such as the first or last of the month to make it memorable) then you'll soon find that your social media platforms are all up to date, relevant and creating more engagement. Good luck, and remember the trick with social media is little and often.

The Crow Man: Writing Feminist Horror

OCTOBER FRIGHTS #DAY 2


This blog post introduces you to my latest novel, 'The Crow Man' and there is a chance to win a signed paperback copy at the end of this post. 

This month has seen the release of my first adult horror novel, 'The Crow Man' and it marks the end of a labour of love that has seen me invest 5 years into this novel.

Horror has always been my favourite genre of literature right from my earliest reading habits; Dracula, Frankenstein, Point Horror, Stephen King, Dean Koontz, Lovecraft, Poe - we're all the foundations of my love of the written word.

Despite having found a comfortable flow in the writing of paranormal and occult, I had yet to make that final leap into writing a 'pure' horror novel because the responsibilities that come with writing horror are immense.

To me, good horror is one of the most moral, political vehicles there is. In my very personal opinion, for horror to be elevated from gratuitous pornography it has to have some kind of exploration of the human condition, of moral structures, and of state constructs. It is an incredible vehicle for exploring the ills of society and the wrongs of mankind - of course done in a way that excites, entices, scares, and thrills the reader.

There are conventions in horror that are long established and which work, but traditionally, mainstream horror in both literature and film have tended to be dominated by male influence and the male gaze. I knew when I finally plucked up enough courage to write a horror novel, I wanted to both work within a long tradition and to challenge some of the constructs that had been established. I wanted to write a horror from a very female point of view.

Hence the premise of The Crow Man - as most women will testify, one of the most horrific things that can happen to you as a woman is to be labelled mad or insane - to have every word and action questioned; to stand accused of crimes you have not committed and for the whole social structure to come bearing down on you.

One of the very worst nightmares I have ever had was that I had hit an intruder and that 'boy' had died. I was arrested and was facing a long time in prison. I wouldn't last two minutes in prison - or only in the way that Tyrion Lancaster might by a thread come out bruised and abused but still living. The very worst of that dream was no one believing my version of the story. Of everybody, the courts and eventually even my own husband swaying to the social constructs that surround female voice and behaviour. I woke shouting, tears streaming down my face. Never had I felt so afraid - and so the beginnings of The Crow Man were birthed.

To call it feminist horror does not mean that it is horror written for women and women alone - I would hope that  the readership of this novel is a 50 / 50 split. Just because it is a story about women doesn't mean that all horror readers can't access and enjoy it, just as I have read hundreds upon hundreds of horror books with very male focused protagonist and stories.

It was important to me with both of my female characters, Grace Waters and Camille to try and defy some of the tropes and stereotypes that female characters often fall into in horror novels - but it wasn't easy. I rewrote the ending several times as I discovered that I had fallen into established models that didn't sit right with me - but which were a form of horror convention. I wanted to move beyond those sometime two dimensional offerings of female motivation and experience that is so often portrayed in horror and offer, what I hope is a more 'real' more true conclusion to these events.

The writing  go The Crow Man took me to some pretty dark places when I was writing it. For me, there are elements that are extreme and cross my comfort zone, or at least they did when I was in the depths of writing certain scenes. Looking back, I know that by modern standards of gore horror and psychosexual horror, these scenes are perfectly within the mainstream - but in the way that a creaking door or a shadow is more terrifying than a body being carved up by a circular saw, the scenes in The Crow Man got under my skin and were a manifestation of my own worst fears.

I decided to set The Crow Man in the 50's purely because some of the issues that the women face were amplified, and because, as a form of historical piece exploring the progress of psychiatric care and practice, the 1950s were a radical time of change and advancement.

In the author notes at the beginning of The Crow Man, I have acknowledged that other great horror piece written about the pioneering advancements of the medical profession and where that placed humans and doctors in terms of gods and monsters - Mary Shelley's 'Frankenstein: The Modern Prometheus'. Perhaps, if I were being arrogant, I could have named my novel, 'The Crow Man: The postmodern Prometheus' LOL. The Crow Man is very much in the tradition of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein and I hope that my humble little offering does that text and that heritage some justice.

eBOOKS
The eBook of the Crow Man is already available here on  Amazon Worldwide exclusive https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0758JMKZ1  and can be read for FREE if you are a Kindle Unlimited User or for just $2.49 / £2.99 if you are a Kindle reader.

PAPERBACKS
The paperbacks do not officially come out until January 1st 2018 but I have signed pre-release copies available for folks in the UK (And in the US if people are prepared to cover shipping costs.) To order your signed paperback for £7.99 (+ £2.00 p&p delivery before 25th October) please complete this google doc form. https://goo.gl/forms/ekj8xflMbfYTleyf1 

GIVEAWAY: UK Only I'm afraid. To be in with a chance of winning a signed copy of The Crow Man, please leave a comment telling us what your worse fear is. One lucky winner will be selected and notified as a reply to their post. The winner will be announced a week today.


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HOP ON OVER TO THE OTHER BLOGS in this fabulous OCTOBERFRIGHTS BLOG HOP.

FEAR OF FLYING. What it taught me about my author journey.

The fear of flying is a common fear, but when you're the one with the fear, you can't imagine how anybody else can possibly feel as bad about it. You truly believe the world is spinning around you, there's no way out. The constricting chest, the heat, the sickness, the general feeling that everything is just not right. 

This was me three years ago. I hadn't been on a plane in over ten years because, well, if you pretend you don't need to fly then you don't have to face the fear, right? Yep, easier to stay home, keep safe, not look at those crazy metal birds flying up there in the clouds, pretend they don't even exist, because, well... who wants to jet off to far flung exotic, exciting places anyway? 

It's a bit like this with our creative ambitions. I've spent a lot of time listening to people over these last three years and I became to see some parallels with my fear of flying  and their fear of starting their creative journey, and in turn, mine. 

How did I tackle my fear of flying? I got on a plane - and then I got on a plane again, and again, and I keep getting on planes. Now, I'm not saying I'm completely cured, there are moments where I will get hit by a literal wave of panic. The slightest hint of turbulence can set about those old stress responses - but I have developed the skills to recognise that panic for what it is and to wrestle it back in the box because it's not useful, it's not beneficial, and it's pointless. 

I didn't get on the plane alone. I had a best friend help me, and they continue to help me, sitting by my side, just being there. That's why community is important. It's a known that facing a fear with somebody else makes that fear a lot less monstrous. 

My experience of overcoming my fear of flying is a direct parallel to the creative journey that I have been undertaking in the last three years, too. There's no coincidence that I began to tackle my fear of flying at the same time I began my new life. 

You get on the plane, again and again and
again until you get used to it. After 10 years
of no flying I've flown to Prague, Nashville x2
Copenhagen x2, Barcelona, Malta, Glasgow.
I'm flying to Nashville again in a couple of
weeks and New York in September. 

I threw in the day job to pursue my creative life, but rather than being faced with a landscape of rainbows and unicorns, the whole landscape was full of monsters and big knives, and bear pits, and a million other terrifying fear walls; was my work good enough? Were my stories acceptable? Was I good enough? What will people think? 

The first thing I had to do was learn to call myself an author, and silence those chattering voices that told me I was an imposter, a fraud, a hobby writer, deluded... and like the plane situation, I did that by doing it over and over again. When people asked me what I did for a living, I told them 'I'm an author' - even though it sounded ludicrous in my mind. 

I then had to navigate all the fears that come with putting yourself out there, of daring to not conform, of daring to sell my work, my talent, my skill. It was all dares. None of it came easily - and it still doesn't, even though it is 'easier' 

- just like getting on a plane is still a dare to myself. 

Facing fears head on is no easier for one person that it is another. It's about choice. You choose to be afraid, and because it's a choice, you can choose not to be afraid. It's easy to delegate our fears to natural human behaviour and instincts, an instinctive response to threat - and of course that's where they start; biology is a powerful force. All those chemicals whirling around, all those physical responses that feel out of our control, but they're not entirely out of control and you can negotiate with them. 

How to negotiate with your physical fear. 

• Close your eyes and breathe deeply. Force yourself to slow down. 
• Tap your leg or your hand in rhythm, silently count the rhythm, so it overrides your thoughts. 
• Envisage where you are going and think of the reasons you want to be there. 
• Imagine all the beautiful things you are going to see when you arrive at your destination. 
• Think of all the other people you know who are already up in the sky, flying happily away. 
• Slowly open your eyes and challenge yourself to do small things that will establish a routine and a pattern (in the case of flying, order a drink, open a book) convince yourself that this is your new normal.



Take charge of your situation. Self care. Make a
scary or unpleasant experience as nice as you can.
Convince yourself that it is a different reality to what
your fear is telling you. Role play out the character
you really want to be in the narrative. Make your
own reality. Choose how you want to view it.
This is me on the plane - pretending everything is
totally dandy. 

• Accept that you are not always going to be in control, but there are people who are qualified and skilled who are in charge and they are going to look after you.

Now apply these to your creative ambitions that you're not facing because of the fears. 

• Take time. Slow down. Make space for your project. 
• Develop patterns and routines for your creative project which normalise it and make it an embedded part of your daily life. 
• Envisage where you want to be in a year, two years, eventually and think about why you want to be there. Ensure that you do this often because these things change.
• Get to know people who are already out there doing what you want, who inspire, encourage and support you, who demonstrate in their daily life that this is a norm and it can be your norm. 
• Challenge yourself to do small things every day, constantly push against that comfort zone. Be conscious that that's what you're doing and be gentle with yourself but firm. 
• Accept that you're not going to be able to do all of it yourself, outsource, hire professionals and trust they are going to look after you. 

Before you know it, you'll be on your umpteenth flight and wondering why you ever wasted so much negative energy worrying, why you stopped it from travelling to all the wonderful and exciting places. 

In two weeks time, I am flying solo to Nashville from London. Three years ago, I would never have thought that possible. I could never envisage me doing that - and now I am, just like three years ago, I never would have thought it possible that my new creative life could fund and enable that trip, or that the reason I would be going is as an author up for an award. 

What is it you want to do? What is it that's stopping you? What are your greatest fears about starting your creative path?

Writers' Block. What is it? How do I cure it?

Writers' Block... we'll it's a funny old thing isn't it? For some it's a complete blank space of ideas every time they go to sit down and write something. For others, it's a million ideas but somehow, there just isn't any inclination or determination to sit down and write them.

I literally have a drawer full of theses and still haven't
been able to sit down and 'properly' write for months.

Personally, it's the second form of writers' block that I suffer from. I have a notebook crammed with novel outlines (about 9 fun novels plotted) and yet, in over a year, I have managed to actually complete just one short novella for a publisher.

Not bad going, you might say. It's better than some folks - in fact, probably better than most - but the problem for me is, I'm a full time writer. Yeah, it's my actual job, and when writing is meant to fill every 9-5 and bring in a salary, then it's quite a pressure - Imagine the freak out I should be having about writers' block.

And make no mistakes, I am not lazy. In fact, most folks laughingly joke that I'm one of the busiest, self-disciplined creatives they know - no, lie. But.... still the overwhelming feelings of self-adequacy and self-doubt, of imposter syndrome crowd down when I acknowledge that I'm suffering, for whatever reason, the dreaded writers' block syndrome.

Actually, that last sentence is utter rubbish, I don't feel any anxiety about it at all, and that's what my post today is about.

Sometimes, just gathering up your
notes and ideas and putting them away
for a few days, allowing yourself the
freedom to do something else, can
be  a quick trigger. 

Those feelings of frustration, inadequacy, self-doubt, imposter syndrome, anger, disappointment are all what we are taught to feel in traditional production society. We are taught from day one that the 'AMOUNT' of work is almost secondary to the QUALITY of the work, and goodness forbid anybody ever suggested in the traditional production / capitalist society that you actually got pleasure, fulfilment, soul-enriching experiences from what you were producing.

Increasingly, in the indie authoring scene, there is a production line ethos. If I get offered one more freaking course on 'How to Write For Market' or 'How to Increase Your Productivity' or 'Write a Gazillion Books to Make a 6 Figure Income' then I might just.... well, I don't know what but it would be something notable.

Now, let me make it clear right here and right now that if that works for you - if you are naturally incredibly prolific and, or you love the challenge of writing for market, then good for you. You are a rockstar and I love that you're happy and fulfilled. Seriously, I have some super good friends who are just amazing at sitting down and writing everyday and getting beautiful stories out into the world, every one of them bloody brilliant - This article is NOT about bashing folks for writing quickly or prolifically. There are people who can write quickly, copiously and it still be fabulous quality. No, this article is about NOT feeling bad if you're not doing that.

It's taken me some real reflection time on this matter. Those of you who follow this blog know that this topic rears its head a little every now and then. But finally, I feel I am in a happy place.

This years key focus word for me was TEND, which admittedly, a lot of folks in my sisterhood didn't quite get when I said it, but now, 6 months in, they do because they are seeing the results of it.

There's an old saying that sometimes, you have to go backwards to go forwards. That's me. I spent the last six months going backwards, and now, I'm ready to move forwards on the right path, in the right way - in a way that makes me... *gasp* HAPPY.

I have learned the most important thing for me as a writer / author is NOT FREAKING OUT when a week, a month, hell, even three months (*coughs and side-eyes* six months) have gone by and I haven't actually written anything.

Times like these are feeding your creativity.
Learn to embrace the times you think
you're doing nothing when actually
your Creativity is playing and learning hard.

The reason I don't freak out is because I KNOW with certainty (now) that the time I'm not physically writing is a time when something truly magical is happening. And I've learned to trust that.

Creativity isn't always an outward expression, the creation of 'something'. Creativity is often a thought process, a conscious journeying inward. It doesn't need to be helicopter parented. It's absolutely fine and dandy all by itself. It doesn't need you to navel gaze and wonder 'What is my Creativity doing today?', 'Let me set some goals for my Creativity', 'Let me bullet journal my Creative's To Do List'.

Creativity is your inner child. It's perfectly content playing imaginary games and role play all by itself, it doesn't need you to come along with your big scary notebook and your good intentions and start stamping on its parade, trying to organise it into some kind of narrative, and plot.

LEAVE THE POOR CHILD ALONE. Like all children, it will come home of its own accord when its hungry. That's when you sit it down at a table and ask it about its day. That's when you make notes and take an interest in its story.

I've learned to take my hands off the neck of my creativity. I've learned that my creativity LOVES adventure and new things, so I make sure that I do as much as that as possible. I travel, I explore, I take wonder in the world - the exotic and the everyday. Instagram has become the travel journal of my Creativity. You should head there and see the adventures that we have. Me and my Creativity love hanging out together, now I've stopped making demands on it.

However, my Creativity has expensive tastes, travel, experiences, indulgences don't come cheap, so like any good parent, I have to find a way of funding its needs, which is why I no longer consider myself a full time writer, but a part time writer and part time other something or other job title; editor, publisher, event planner. I work to feed my creativity - oh, and my real children ;)

Yes, it's not all the Facebook and Instagram face - there's a lot of hard work and slog, and late nights and long days behind it all to ensure my life, house, kids are in order, like the other 99% of the world, I work hard and long.

Go exploring. This place is just 8 miles away from our
suburban London home. See the world through the lens
of a camera. Not only does this help your Creativity
secure the image but you can also print out your pics
and stick them in scrap books for future projects. 

And the beauty of the day job is that it gives you healthy time apart. Like any relationship, a period of separation is a good thing; strengthens appreciation, care and love. Never begrudge your day job - unless you really hate it (which I came to the point of) and then in that instance, get a different one. Seriously, get an exit plan - a 1 year, 3 year, 5 year plan, but get one.

WHAT TO DO.

• RELAX -- recharge. 
• PLAY -- have fun. Do silly things. Fall in love again. Date your spouse. Play with your kids. 
• TRAVEL -- even if it's down a road in your neighbourhood you've never been to, or a cafe you've never had a coffee in, a bus route you've never taken. Pretend you're an alien and it's all new to you.
• EXPLORE -- especially in places / situations that are familiar to you. 
• WORK -- distract yourself, pull an extra shift knowing that money is for one of the above. 
• EDUCATE -- take a course - it might be part of your job exit plan;) 
• FIND A NEW HOBBY -- it might become your future day job, it might introduce you to a whole new friendship (character) circle. 

WHAT NOT TO DO

• Freak out
• Get grumpy
• Get angry
• Chase down your creativity into submission
• Get lazy and disaffected

Good luck everybody. Live your stories! (unless like me you write some horror, and then that wouldn't be a nice thing at all... )

Thanks for stopping by. Please, please share your tips about overcoming Writers' Block in the comment box below. Let's start a conversation.

The Power of The Wolf.

My new wolf necklace made from Obsidian (aka, Dragon Glass) No White Walkers are going to get me! I love this; something about it called out to me and I knew as soon as I saw it, it had been put in place for me to find it. Things are challenging at the minute on a soul level, and I truly believe that this wolf is designed to be a protective talisman. 

Obsidian is known as a protective stone, with powerful properties that shield agains negativity. It is also linked to the power of insight, and vision. When that is combined with the wolf totem, it’s a powerful invocation of strength, protection, wisdom, community and power. 

Monday Musings: Why TEND is my word of the year.

After much navel staring, I have finally pinned down my word of the year. What is this crazy you speak of. Well, so many of my author and creative friends were embracing the idea of a Word of The Year that like the human I am, it felt I should have one, too.

But what? Why?

What word - how could I pin down all of my aspirations, hopes, dreams, plans and focus into just one word when it presently looks more like the abstract to a twenty thousand word thesis? That was the point. Condense, refine and analyse -- what do I really want 2017 to look like.

Why choose a word in the first place? My head is like a computer with twenty different browsers open all the time - and most of the time, that's fine, it's exciting and it's energy. It allows me to skip from one task to another with ease and efficiency--- but sometimes, that's not fine, sometimes it can lead to a massive crash and feelings of being overwhelmed and having a word - just a single word that reminds me of my true focus of my true goal is like having a reboot and recovery button all in one. It stops all the words and gives me the answer that I need.

So what is my word for 2017 - It may seem random on the surface but it's a word that has been so carefully selected; a word designed to create a magic sense of soothing calm amongst all the creative turbulence - and my word of the year is....

Tend: To care or look after; to give one's attention to. 

Why the word Tend? Okay, so it's not the most exciting of words - but it really does sum up what my main focus for 2017. Last year was a year of innovation, of change and of creation. Some amazing opportunities came up which will come to fruition this year. I underwent a complete rebrand, released several books and sowed the seeds for a lot of projects.

It's tempting when goal setting to fall into the mistake that goals have to always be out there pushing the boundaries, being all shiny and new, that in order to make progress, you have to accumulate more opportunities, more contacts, more projects -- more, more, more ---- but the revelation that I have come to (after hours and hours and hours of insomnia) is that this year isn't about moving forward, it's about moving within. It's not about accumulating new networks, projects, friends, colleagues, readers - it's about nurturing, tending to the ones that I already have.

I am blessed. I have everything I need in the present to grow something beautiful. I have 9 books out, each of which I love, but perhaps need a little care and nurture in light of the Katie M. John author-thing evolving. I have an amazing network of author friends, who I really want to give my attention to. I want to champion their new releases and spread the word about their work, rather than looking to expand my circle ever bigger and losing touch with those who mean so much to me. I have an incredible conference planned for August, and it's not about scale and glory, it's about gathering and tribe and sharing.

I am involved in several writing projects, which are fun and clever and a great way to give to my readers and to organically reach new ones. I am building a newsletter for my fan base who have supported me over the years. It's a way for me to pay back into that relationship - to nurture that precious relationship between storyteller and listener.

Tend is also a word that reaches beyond my book world into my family world. I am blessed to have two daughters who are growing at twice the speed of light - and it's easy to become absorbed in stories and risk missing the greatest story of them all; that of my daughter's childhood. They are now approaching nine and five.

But TEND is also a word that applies to self. To tend oneself or in easier terms #SelfCare. Self care isn't about being selfish, but for someone who feels so deeply when others' suffer, and who feels the urge to fix things - all of the time - the idea of paying attention to oneself is really important, and one of the hardest things to actually work. I'm a great believer in meditation and mindfulness and need to ensure that this is going to become a natural part of each of my days --- that and the dreaded exercise.

So yes, the word of the year is TEND and I'd love to hear yours and why you have chosen it.

10 Goals for 2017

So here's to the new year; may 2017 be a lot more full of positivity than 2016, which has been a gruelling year for many of us. It's traditional to set resolutions at the end of the old year but I've never been very good at resolutions; it's almost as if making something a resolution curses it. 

This year I am all for goals - and smashing them. That's how I feel about 2017; it's going to be full o energy, accomplishments and goal smashing. So here are my 2017 goals, which I'm setting down here more for my reference than your probable curiosity LOL 

• Finish The Crow Man for an April publication. My first adult horror title. A psycho-sexual, insanity horror story set in the 1950's exploring the theory of Monarch programming and women in 1950's society. Dark, twisted and graphic, this book has really taken it out of me and I am struggling to finish the last 10-20k words due to the shadows it casts on my soul -- but it will be finished. 


• Finish Angelicus for a May / June publication. Book 4 in The Meadowsweet Chronicles - a planned 7 book paranormal / occult upper YA series. Modern Witchcraft, ghosts, poltergeists, magic, demons, angels, headless huntsmen and all other manner of ancient folklore, fairytales and paranormal deliciousness. It is 1/3 written, all planned out and ready to be finished. 

Have a full table at UTOPiA con, Nashville. This will be the third year I am attending UTOPiA in Nashville. It was meant to be a once in a lifetime kind of deal, but somehow, I keep pressing that buy table ticket. This year, I am hoping to have a full table mostly because I can barely fit all my titles onto a half table any longer, and secondly because I am having guest author hosts who are going to help me out with my table this year. How exciting is that! 

Hold an awesome 2 day author conference and public signing event in August. Chapter.Con 2017 is my baby and I am so excited about it. After spending far too many years scribing all alone in the UK, I am bringing over the USA model of author, blogger and reader conventions to the UK; a chance for authors, bloggers and readers to get together and spend some serious quality time talking about publishing, authoring, blogging, social media and all things books,  as well as networking, sharing resources, making friends and also selling some books in an exciting public signing. I am touched how many international authors are already signed up to this very special event. If you're interested, you can find out more at www.chaptercon.weebly.com 

Grow my newsletter to 2.5k subscribers with a 30-40% open rate. I've shied away from newsletters for a long time - I wasn't sure that I had anything to say - but I've realised after the amaze-balls year that 2016 has been in many ways, I have loads to say and share with readers. It's also a really great way to give back to a reading community, which has supported me over the last 10 years. The newsletter is a way of sharing other great authors in my community, introducing my readers to fab new reads, but it's also a way for me to easily spoil my readers. For example, I am giving 500 subscribers a free eBook copy of 'When Sorrows Come' via instafreebie at the minute, and also a chance to win a paperback edition of the award nominated book. The newsletter also contains a Three Free Book Roll, which links subscribers to three fabulous free quality reads. If you'd like to join the party, you can do so here http://eepurl.com/ckO6KD 

Get this blog organised. This is one of my main goals for 2017. I want to make this blog consistent in its material, creating a clear pattern of posts depending on day, for example, 'Folklore Thursday' and 'Fan Girl Friday' - the idea of this is that you, as readers know exactly when to hit my blog to meet your needs. If it's free books you want, then Mondays, if it's folklore info, it's Thursday etc. 

Do more public signings. I've done Leeds, Nashville and Glasgow this year and its taught me one thing - I really love meeting readers and bloggers in the flesh. There's nothing beats having a conversation with fellow book lovers. I've got some great events lined up this year and I can't wait. 

Complete NaNoWriMo. This year, I crashed and burned - actually that's not true at all, I didn't even start the car. For the first year in five years, I didn't do NaNoWriMo and the reason why was because of really poor time management - this year, that won't happen. I have to ensure that I am protecting my own creative writing time as well as giving to a community that I love.  

Get Fitter and Healthier. Last year, I had a really good run from February to July I was super healthy. I had made a commitment and I thought I had passed the habit forming zone -- alas, due to a whole heap of excuses (and legitimate reasons) I gave up on the lot of it. I had built going to the gym 3 times a week into my schedule, I was doing mindfulness for at least 10 minutes a day. I lost that annoying stubborn stone and a half and I was feeling great - and then I hit a wall and rather than climb up it, I slumped down it and sat on the floor at the bottom of it, stuffing my face with comfort cheese. No more. I'm back on it --- just as soon as.... LOL. 

Sign up for the Quarterly Katie M. John newsletter

Want to get your hands on free eBooks, exclusive material, offers, trailer premiers, and other magical, funky things? Sign up for my quarterly newsletter. 

I have (after a year and a half of being on the to-do list) finally made my first author newsletter.

I've held off for a while because I wanted to make it as positive experience for subscribers as possible, with Free eBook downloads, exclusive content, exclusive giveaways, trailers, breaking news and signing links. 

Rather than doing it monthly, I am going to send out the newsletter on a seasonal basis - so 4x a year, with just a quick alert on release week (about 2x a year) 

I am sending out the first newsletter tomorrow with some lovely goodies, such as an exclusive newsletter giveaway of paperback editions of Beautiful Freaks Volume 1, and links to my Kindle eReader giveaway - so if you haven't signed up yet, and would like to receive it then please fill in the subscription link below.
http://eepurl.com/ckDGwH

The horror of the camera lens: Official Author Photo photoshoot in Paris.

#NCWR POST
As you know if you follow the blog, this September saw me heading to Paris on retreat. The focus of the retreat was visibility, and as part of that we were to undertake a professional photoshoot with the incredibly talented Regina Wamba of  Mae I Design (http://www.maeidesign.com.)

1. Pretending that it isn't happening.
The classic introvert safety net -
when things get scary, retreat and
read a book. The architecture
in Monmarte was just beautiful
and whimsical. 

Regina is an incredibly talented photographer and artist, and has been responsible for the creation of many USA TODAY best selling novels' covers. Her photography is magical, and so although the thought of having a photoshoot filled me with an almost panic attack inducing fear (quite honestly and literally) I was excited by the idea of it.

I have always hated having my photograph taken. As an extreme introvert, and somebody who is incredibly hard on themselves, having a camera pointing at me has had the same adrenalin rush as being faced with a hungry T-Rex.

Despite having been an out there and proud author for the last six years, I had not got around to getting my professional headshot done ---- and the retreat made me face the truth that it wasn't just my abject fear of being photographed, but something else - something much deeper.

2. I saw the inside projected outwardly
and that was hard to accept. The
defensive and yet powerful arm
cross, kind of says it all. 

It wasn't just that I feel silly, and weird looking, and 2 stone overweight, and gangly legged, and dough faced, and triple chinned - I was actually feeling VERY awkward about seeing myself as a serious author - of taking me and my work seriously... I know right?!

The NCWR retreat was all about facing this idea - and I soon realised that I was absolutely not alone in either of these fears. As much as we were all excited to be attending the retreat, of learning together and of growing together -- and drinking too much French wine together, we were all absolutely FREAKING TERRIFIED of the photoshoot. Excited but terrified.

Talking, we discovered that regardless of gender, our month running up to the shoot had been full of anxiety, preparation, mental strengthening, and outfit planning.

3. Allowing my true creative self to
be caught on camera was
exposing.

I don't think I fully understood until that moment what an integral thing our outside was to our inside. I'm a girl who has always prided herself on not being sucked into all that 'beauty' stuff - most days, I go make up free; it's not a strange thing to me to have a selfie with no make up, or to do the school run. Most days, I barely brush my hair - and I've never really understood how someone can actually physically spend a couple of hours getting ready for an event etc.... perhaps now I do, LOL.

We were all so self-conscious that Regina had originally planned to do our photoshoots in private slots, but like freaked out zebra in the presence of a lion, we huddled together and in the end, we tag teamed it. There was something really wonderful about working together, encouraging each other, complimenting each other, reassuring each other --- and laughing; laughing lots.

4. Doing a photoshoot with
friends was so much more fun
than doing it alone. I know
exactly who I'm laughing at
here - my dear friend
+Carlyle Labuschagne 

Regina is a picture witch - she has this ability to capture not just the outside but the inside - she has the magical ability to showcase that unique beauty that is within all of us. We had a fabulous two day shoot, one day in the gardens of the Musee du Rodin in Paris, in a glorious (almost too hot) day, and the following day, we headed to the beautiful, sublime and architecturally stunning, Monmarte Cemetery.  It was fun - it was empowering and it was revealing.

Two days ago, I got the 100 or so photos we took into my in-box. I wasn't sure what I was expecting but I was surprised to feel very mixed emotions. I had been so high on the days of the shoot - and then it was like being hit by a train. There was me, hundreds of me - being author, being creative, being professional -- being a grown up! Yes, a woman, a woman with flaws, and ugly spots, and beauty, and power, and dreams, and ambitions, and love, and laughter, and heartsease, and friendship - and it freaked me out. I barely recognised myself even though I knew myself.

5. Seeing my sense of dreams
and ambitions played out
on film, and most
importantly, seeing myself
as a grown up at last. 

And I trashed through them, groaning and moaning and getting upset, not seeing perhaps what I had wanted to see - - but it wasn't because it wasn't there, but because I was still looking through eyes that belonged to the me that had spent a lifetime never really feeling quite good enough, through eyes that were embarrassed to step out and stand up for who I am, who was ashamed of being so forward, and afraid that I would be humiliated, criticised or brought down ---- so I STOPPED MYSELF right there and then and gave myself a BIG TALKING to! That shit has got to stop.

6. Taking myself and my art
seriously is the first step in
acknowledging myself as creative

I mean, seriously, THAT. SHIT. HAS. GOT. TO. STOP.

And I looked with my new eyes. My future me in the now eyes, and I saw that there were photos there that were beautiful, that there were photos that expressed the inner parts of me - and that was who I damned well was, and I was doing okay.

So if you know that you are needing to go through this whole process, I have a couple of pieces of advice -

1) Invest appropriately; pay the top whack based on research and recommendations - save in a penny jar if you have, too. You need someone whose work you love, who is going to take time with you, who is going to make you feel 'normal' and who is going to show the magic. If you can, book an appointment with +Regina Wamba - she travels the world for various events and she's always got her camera with her.

2) In the meantime - if you can't afford who you really want, get together with a talented friend and do a 'mock' location shot - find somewhere beautiful and play and laugh and see what comes out - some of our favourite shots were taken with each other's iPhones whilst Regina was busy photographing 'properly'.

3) Take time over really thinking about what you want to convey through your wardrobe. I wanted two very different looks of the multi-faceted side of my job; the gothic paranormal author, and the event planner and coach.

So now, here I am, sharing the results of that photoshoot and I'd love to know which is your favourite and which should be the one you think I should choose to send out on those first press releases I'm going to send out :)

Introducing you to October Frights... Prepare for a Frightful Adventure.

Tomorrow kicks off one of my most anticipated times of the author year - it's the October Frights Blog Hop.

I love this blog hop for many reasons.
1) It marks the beginning of Halloween season for me.
2) I get to travel around the blogosphere and check out some really cool blogs that I might otherwise not get to discover.
3) I get to check in with old friends - many of whom I have known on social media for many years.
4) And this is probably the most important, I get to discover a whole host of new reading material for the winter months.

When it comes to books, I behave a little like a bear about to hibernate. Almost all of my reading gets done in two different periods of the year. The summer, when it's a time of holidays, beaches and hanging out in the park whilst the kids play - and then the winter, when the nights have drawn in, the fire is lit and the red wine is flowing.

I stock up on my summer reading mostly at UTOPiA, supporting my fellow authors and friends by purchasing their books, and in the winter, it's all about the darker side of things - of catching up with the releases my awesome horror folk have written over the year, and making my stockpile.

I thought it would be good if today, I shared the link to my fellow authors Blogs in the blogshop widget below, and it would give you a chance to take a little stroll around this world before the big event kicks off tomorrow.

October Frights is 5 days of celebrating everything we do as horror / paranormal writers - it's a chance to engage with new readers, share our work, and have good fun. Most authors are running some kind of giveaway over the course of the 5 days - but it's mostly about having fun and getting to know each other.

Please drop comments on the various blog posts - even if it's just a greeting sentence, and click on those beautiful little social media sharing icons that you'll find at the bottom of most blog posts.

Thanks for stopping by and I hope to see a lot more of you over the coming 5 days - I've got some really lovely, fun posts, quizzes, and conversation starters as well as a cute giveaway package.

An InLinkz Link-up

How Do You Get People To Take You Seriously?

Today, I was asked this question by a fellow creative; not an author but someone who is clearly fighting the same demons that I see being fought in the author community all the time.

You take yourself seriously -
you step out
into the world and you 'be'
who you want to be in the future.
This is me signing in Paris this
 summer.  This didn't
happen by accident. I made
it happen.

We didn't have long; it was a snatched conversation and I literally had a child hanging off my back at the time.

But I hope in that short 3 minute conversation, I instilled these important messages.  So what did I say in response to his question?

• Firstly, before you can ask others to take you and your art seriously, you have to take yourself and your art seriously - you invest in your art; you seek out those who are where you want to be and you observe, study, reach out, learn from them and then emulate them, discovering your own unique 'you' along the way. 

• You have to stop apologising for not being good enough - as a creative, you are constantly evolving, improving (You'll never be 'good enough' but you are as good as you need to be at this point) 




• You invest in your community. You give to the creative tribe, and you give - and then you give some more - and do you know what? It comes back. You build friendships, relationships, mutual respect - I refer to it as 'TRIBE' but you may just as well call it your 'ARMY'. 

You build an army of fellow creatives and you look after your
comrades, you nurture the friendships, and you learn from each other.
You support one another and you trust one another

and most importantly, 

You define yourself as artist and you live
your life as artist. 

• You stop waiting for others to define you as serious (sic, successful, talented, worthy, valid) YOU DEFINE YOURSELF as ARTIST. As CREATIVE. You are entirely free to be who you want to be. As my mentor, Janet Wallace  (Founder of Social Deviants) would say, "Be the future you in the present." Stop waiting for the fabled land and make it here, right now. 

I say these things like they're easy, as if they are a magic potion - and trust me, I know they're not. Unshackling the doubt demons, the fear of ridicule, the little voice that whispers 'you're delusional', 'You're a pipe-dreamer' is hard - and for some it's harder than others. 

We live in a world that prioritises money and celebrity and tries to measure everything within those terms - but the creative life isn't like that, and when you try to fit your art into such measurable quantities, that's when the tension and the doubt, and the fear smacks you in the face. 

There's a sense that unless you're doing everything on some crazy epic scale; you're topping the charts, you're making millions, you're winning awards, you're featured in magazines, on the television, that your name is part of pop-culture rhetoric, then you're a failure - that you're not serious... but that's.... well, it's rubbish! 

Nobody has the right to EVER tell you that your art isn't worthy, isn't valid, isn't 'proper'. Believe in yourself and believe in your art - and hold your head up high and wear your armour well - and if you've been wise enough to follow my advice - you're army will be standing right behind you. 

Have a wonderful Week. Go and make beautiful things, moments, and friendships. 

Kate x